Eli Roth to direct Cell (2007)

I saw that movie Hostel today; one of the best films I've ever seen! Thats what I would be saying if the film was just the last half hour of itself! The first hour is just an obnoxious teen movie with drugs and tits all over the place! Whoopdefuck! Wheres the horror? The last half an hour is sheer class though!

***Spoilers***

This is one of the most racist movies I've seen in a long time. I cant wait to join the Slovakian police force. It seems that Slovakian Police officers have it good! Conspiring with murder gangs and dragging people out of their cars at checkpoints just cos they felt like giving someone a good beating. Well you can't expect them to chase after the gangs of vicious 7 year olds that terrorize Slovakia now can you? Ummm... oh yeah, they don't speak dutch in Holland, no aparently Hitler won the war after all and everyone in Holland speaks German. The Japanese can't pronounce their R's, even though I thought that was just a urban myth... oh well they can at least pronounce the word "Train" however as a line in the movie went "I'm velly solly; I will catch the train tomollow".

The movie starts half an hour from the end, we get all the action and horror and gore from then on. Even the music picks up! We also get the random police beatings (oh man, thats what the Gardai need to do; to "stop the bloody slaughter" on the roads, beat random people! That will cut the nonsense on the roads anyway!) Theres stuff in there I didnt expect in a mainstream movie, its all good! Theres even a train suicide throw in for no other reason than for a good splattering. Man, it was like watching a new Fulci movie or something! If only the first hour was like this too instead of that stupid whorefest!

And the two hot temptress girls? They were far more savage withOUT makeup!

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Buy your ticket and wait in the lobby for an hour before the "real" movie begins!

Ok so what I had wanted to say was that the director of Hostel, Eli Roth has been given the green light to direct the film version of Stephen Kings Cell. It's a long book, and there's no tits and ass in it, and thats how I want it to stay!