Have you ever been written out of someones life completely? I mean to the extent where it seems that you never existed? This has happened to me a few times and yet again quite recently. It always goes along the lines like from a failed relationship "It's not you, its me... I'm sorry".
I'm a very honest person and I take everyones word on face value. I've been told some right whoppers in the past and swallowed them hook, line and banana! When shit happens, like this time, it fuels my paranoia. I'm getting to the stage where I'll believe what you tell me but are certain youre lying too. It's a catch 22 really: I totally know youre not washing your hair but fuck it, believing you is easier to swallow. Whats the alternative? Fly off the handle and have a shouting match where you end up self harming and eating 5 servings of chocolate-prozac cake or, just shrug it off and have a shallow relationship with someone.
Whats wrong with me? Why do people get to a stage where they think I'm the best person in the world and then suddenly disappear. In the tens of people I met on the internet I don't speak to any of them anymore. In the few friendships I've made in the real world I feel on tender hooks at times.
Someone help me out here; I feel repugnant; I'm loosing faith in friendships.