3 Ways to become an elected TD

(1) The Racist

Mary O'Rourke


Noted for:

• Looking like the Predator
  
• Making racist comments about black slaves
• Defending herself by attacking legal immigrants on the radio

Result: Made Quota



(2) The Buffoon

Willie O'Dea


Noted for:

• Horrendous mustache
• Getting high on tobacco
• Modelling firearms
• Being an embaressment to mankind

Result: Recieved 2.3 times the needed quota of first preference votes



(3) The Crook

Bertie Ahern


Noted for:

• Skutter coloured trousers
• Magic eyebrow
• Magic lumps on his face that disappeared suddenly
• Being minister for finance and not having a bank account of his own
• Taking dodgey bribes loans from "friends"
• Appearing to be made from political Adamantium

Result: Voted "Overlord" of Ireland

Ahern & Harney together again?

[It Augers Well For Mary Harney]

Stan Ridgway - Camouflage

Hands up if you remember this one! Jeez, I wouldnt be surprised if the last time I heard this was 20 years ago. I came across it today in my vast collection of NOW albums that I found on my hard drive which got there magically, but totally legally of course :)

Theres a woman on a Yamaha DX7 for those that care. Well its some sort of DX anyway!

Why I'm voting Fine Gael Tomorrow

I had planned up until today to spoil my vote tomorrow. I have done my own political u-turn on the issue. I have decided that getting Fianna Fail out is more important than writing about my hatred for politicians in general on the ballot sheet. I hold no favoritism towards Fine Gael but with the way Bertie is lubing up the rest of the parties, ready for their insertion into the back orifice of the great Fianna Fail ego machine, I feel the only safe vote against Bertie and the gang is to vote FG.

Fine Gael are no better or worse than Fianna Fail but what I have grown sick of with FF, is their God like attitude towards us "mere mortals". They have become lazy, complacent and egotistical. People mistake their bullying behaviour as political astuteness and charisma. A vote for Fianna Fail is a vote for repression.

If FF gain power this time round, I never want to hear a complaint about the government ever again! This is your chance to complain, a chance to make your complaint actually have a positive outcome.

We have short memories, we forget the downturn after the last election, were we said we were glad Fine Gael didn't win because we would only blame them for reality that FF lied to us about in the run up to that election. We promised ourselves that we wouldn't make the same mistake 5 years later.

(Remember PPARS!)

Let us finally remember the Nice Treaty. Bertie thought the rejection was due to our stupidity, so he had us vote for a second time. People forget this, our current leader thought our democratic decision was a result of foolery. Will you be a fool once more and return him to his throne?

Harry Pussy

"Behold an amazing video of Harry Pussy performing live. These clips aired on a Manhattan cable access program called "Tweeter TV," produced by a lovable yet blathering group of stoners in the 1990's."

The drummer is kinda cute though, in a mental menstrual minstrel way. Meg White has nothing on this bitch!

via http://blog.wfmu.org/

Bertie says crime has fallen...

...and it looks like he's right! Boy, I feel so much safer now! Ignoring the hyperbolic chart above, does Bertie have any nice crime figures on political corruption? I'm sure he could "dig out" a chart for us.

Best PETA quote ever!

Dominique Swain is a spokesperson for the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA). At the age of 21, she became the youngest model to pose nude for PETA. She has erroneously been reported to be a vegan or vegetarian in the past, but this was probably an incorrect assumption based upon her support of PETA's anti-fur campaigns. Swain says:

"Everybody thinks people who promote PETA don't eat meat, but I think animals were made to be eaten. I take my part in the food chain very seriously. I eat meat, the rarer the better. I just don't think animals should be slaughtered for their fur."

Good old PETA, always there for the lulz!

Toll Booth Accident

Thats one way of not paying the toll I guess. It's reported the guy suffered from seizures, which begs the question, how the fuck did he get a licence?

"parkway operators waived tolls for about an hour at the remaining toll lanes to keep traffic moving quickly through the scene."

One thing's for certain, if this happened in Ireland, theres no way they'd lift the barriers and let you go through for free. Al-Qaeda could drop a plane on the plaza and youd still have to pay!

Link-Via

Picture of the Week

I was up the mountains on Wednesday last when I snapped this picture out my car window, but can you guess which mountains! The first person with the correct answer will win the sheep!

Re: Enda Vs. Bertie

The best quote about last nights debate:

"Its a pity Gerry Adams didnt leave a bomb in the studio the night before!"

The quote was by me of course, here

Red FM Listeners Read My Blog

I was listening to Cork Talks Back on Red FM last night, as I usually do on a Sunday at least, and there was one caller who outlined how hard it was to ask girls out nowadays. He described how groups of girls in night clubs have become no-men zones and would take offence to a man coming up and talking to them, that theyre just having a "girls night out". Or how hard it is to judge the laws of attraction with strangers in everyday life. By and large I found myself agreeing with him, but what arrested my attention was when Victor suggested that he should try an online dating system. The caller wasnt too keen on this idea, saying you have to pay for these services and he felt uneasy about having to pay someone else to have a relationship, then he comes out with "its one step away from prostitution", which is pretty much what I said in a post there recently.

Of course, this was more than likely just coincidence as I'm sure im not the first person to make the comparison but it was nice to hear someone else say it on the radio so soon after me posting it. It also made it a good oppertunity to post about Victor Barry, which I have been meaning to do so for ages now. Victor is cool! He's an opinionated presenter but unlike other croneys (Joe Duffy et al) he doesnt pretend he's not. If he disagrees with a caller he'll tell him so. One of my favorite pieces of radio in recent times was when he told a boy racer that the best thing that could happen to him is if he met with a wall at high speed.

I took notice of his radio show one night when driving into cork years ago. He mentioned that he had a blogspot blog and I thought it would be great craic to have a look. Ever since then I've been hooked. The blog itself has some great gems from time to time, like his post describing the dream where he was having anal sex with Kylie Minogue. name another Irish radio presenter that would do the same! I'd love to see Pat Kenny describe his dreams about anal sex... then again, maybe not!

Victor Barry - Down with my Life

Destination Calabria Vid is Gay

Ass! Cool, but its gay!

You know that video thats going around at the minute, for that tune Destination Calabria, with all the green thongs flying around the place...



... well I find it rather gay! I find it hilariously gay in fact. Lets take a closer look. Here's a still from one of yer wanno's close ups:




Ignoring the fact that she looks mightly like Michael Schumacher, the whole set up is gay. Didn't anybody tell the director that a cap's peak covering the eyes is traditional gay iconography. Maybe he was trying to be ironic, but he doesnt mention that in the making of video.



In case you are in denial, here's a few pics of my favorite gay hero's demonstrating the "puff peak" in action:




Rob Halford is an expert in gay iconography. He loves his leather, you might say, he goes "Hell bent for Leather!"




Still think its hetro to hide your eyes?




Just in case you were wondering, its not just a Halford thing. Here's a random pic of Freddie Mercury wearing his cap, gay-style!



Yakety Sax anyone?

And why all the green? It makes it look like a Carlsberg add: "Carlsberg dont do music videos, but if we did, they'd proabably be gayest music videos in the world!"



She'd polish that trumpet faster with Cillit Bang!

And the "real" winner is....

Ok so, the guy looks like a freaky over tanned Gabriel Byrne meets Nip-Tuck guy (aka Dickie Rocks son) but this was the best fucking choon in the Eurovision this year. I'm still in disbelief that that Serbian dyke won it! It was absolute shite! There were a lot of decent pieces of music this year and how people choose her shite as the best beggars belief! Even the Ukraines "seben seben" thing was a million times better! And as for Irelands Dervish.... 42 countries and we get 5 points from albania. Jesus Christ! Albania's Frederik Ndoci probably had the best singing voice of the whole compitition but he didnt even make the final.

Seriously, the best Eurovision, in terms of music, in years but with the worst winner. How did Romania get so many points for that awful awful track while Latvia hardly got any for their nice piece of musicallity? At the risk of starting an ethnic war, I think its time we bring back the curtain!

Picture of the Week

Last Saturday in the Savoy, nuff said? Well no, not really. I was asked for ID on the night of my 26th birthday, yeah like the Gardai would take me seriously if a asked them for a Garda ID card at this stage of my life. I already lost my passport on a night out, I'm not about to loose my drivers license too. Anyone know about those national ID cards we are meant to be getting. Its about time we have ID chips up our arses anyway, this is the 21st Century afterall.

Adult Friend Finder

I signed up to AdultFriendFinder last year, just for the craic, as opposed to “the crack”. I was always curious about the profiles you see on the edge of webpages in the advertisements, I doubted their validity. The only way to view these profiles was to become a member, so I registered an account with them. I was all ready to be a dirty pervert and read all the profiles of the filthiest strumpets in Cork, but then I found out, you have to be a premium account holder to view profiles in their entirety. So how much did this premium cost? A hundred euro or something and at this point my interest wained.

What we have here is a web site, very open in its admittance to providing a service for like minded people to meet up for sexual relationships. I have no problem with this, it’s certainly more sophisticated than the usual “club and drag” techniques found in night clubs, however, with the added factor of money being involved, it does make a striking resemblance to a form of prostitution. Firstly, we have the members, acting as both the customer and the provider, and then we have Adultfriendfinder, acting as pimp-overlord, taking in the cash for its service of solicitation. Can someone please explain how this is not prostitution? And while youre at it, how does prostitution suddenly become pornography if you place a camera in front of the fornicating couple? What exact part of prostitution is illegal? The sex? The Money? The transaction of funds? Each on their own is innocent though. Surely youed have to combine all three together for it to be illegal, in which case, that would be make handling money during sex is illegal, which is a very strange law indeed. Its bollocks really isn’t it, the hypocrisy involved with the illegality of prostitution is immense.

In closing, I was just wanted to make a clever little point about adultfriendfinder, not take on the laws of the state, and lets not forget that adultfriendfinder is just a big scam anyway ;) I would never subscribe to a service that charged money for the solicitation of sexual relations. Why pay, when you can get the same service here, for free!

Where's The One

I was surfing around youtube, just checking out some Al DiMeola vids when I came across a cover of his classic "Race With Devil on Spanish Highway". I thought it was quite good, the sound was shite, but the performance was spot on. Then I find out, the band come from Galway! lol Well I know where I'm going on holidays so.

Watch the crowd in this vid, the music is seriously wasted on their cretinous ears. Pint swilling fuckers, they wouldnt know a fussion from a progression!

Excellent stuff anyway, although the drummer does make me nervous! Its a very "interesting" technique he's got going there, but sure, whatever works!

Ugly Betty

I really like Ugly Betty, no I don’t mean Betty the Sheep, although she’s pretty cool too :) I was really into the show for the first half of the season but then things got crappy. Betty was in it less and less and it revolved more around the whole “evil secret woman” thing. It’s called Ugly Betty so it should be about Betty! Why did they have to have a season length story line running through it anyway? It’s the first season for christs sake, did they run out of ideas for single story lines already!? It used to be smart and funny but now its gone all serious and boring. Anyway, I’ve started watching again, trying to ignore the crap.

One of the main reasons for watching is for Betty herself, I think she’s really cute! She’s just so nice, and positive about life, great energy, and she’s beautiful! Then I found out that America Ferrera is famous, aparently, and everyone “knows” that’s shes beautiful in reality. Well bollocks to that, cos I never heard of the bitch, so I still say she’s beautiful, dressed up as Betty anyway. She has the loveliest jaw line, but if we’re breaking people down into body parts, then we have to mention her sister, because lets face it, she’s got one hell of an ass! Like all forms of good ass, hers protrudes 90 degrees from her body. Ignore all the gay faggots telling you otherwise, ass should be big and proud! An ass aint an ass unless its “out there!”

So anyway, Betty’s great, and her sisters great too but I’d much rather go out with a girl like Betty, not that I want to have a girlfriend or anything, but you know yourself, hypothetically, if I really had to have one! :)

Picture of the Week

I took this early in the week at a bbq. It's a rather dull image overall, run of the mill muck, but the contrails of the air machine in reality were quite interesting. Oh and I realise theres a nasty magenta thing going on with the darks, but this is the image straight (resized and cropped) from my Nokia N73.

Happy Birthday to Me!

It's my birthday today, so wheres my fucking presents people!? Another year older, which can mean only one thing: its getting harder to attract the 16 year olds. Seriously though, arent birthdays great. Look at that image above, a slice of birthday cake on a plate with a single candle in it, set on a grey background.... ding ding ding, someone call the Samaritons, cos I feel like cuttin me fucking wrists. That has to be the most depressing image I've seen in a long time. Still though, it sure beats my birthday last year when I got a great present off my dad: his death cert!

I'm heading off to Tesco to buy myself a boobies birthday cake to eat by myself... at least its my birthday this time! I might buy 2 and have a threesome.... ciao!