John Waters And Those Damned Interwebs

*I just felt like posting something, and I had this post in-draft for months. I just checked, it's still relevent, although I would have changed the "Oops" to "FAIL" if I was doing it today. Never posted it because while Waters annoys me, the point to this post is shit.


John Waters, sick of "online people" telling "lies" about him via the "evil" wikipedia's, has built himself his own new website. Oh yes sir, brand spanking new. Unfortunately, it looks like he's already having a bit of trouble with keeping his links upto date.

[UPDATE 03.11.12] To those who are a bit lost, ireland.com used to point to the online version of the Irish Times newspaper. They changed it a few months back to irishtimes.com and irishtimes.ie. They made a huge thing about it but obviously not huge enough for certain internet-hating journalists.

Five Peace Band Concert - Some Other Notes

Just wanted to a dd a few other things I thought of:

• Even though I usually hate when people make a big deal out of hearing John Coltrane's "A Love Supreme" theme in a song, I have to point out the reference Corea made during the performance of "Five Peace Band". He started it and then Garrett joined in.

• It seemed, all during the night, that Corea's use of pitch bend doesn't sit well with McLoughlin. Corea seemed to be giving the pitch wheel loads of wellie (more than usual) much to the amusement of both he and McLoughlin.

• I liked how McLoughlin thanked both sound engineers (FOH and BOH) at the end of the night as if they were part of the band.

Chick Corea (Five Peace Band) Concert

Yay for jazz :) Excellent stuff last night, really excellent!! But... it was actually a "John McLaughlin and Band" affair. Now I know what Corea meant when he said the music was "tricky"; he had new songs to learn (I later found out the relevance of the title "Five Peace Band" and McLaughlin). No Mahavishnu stuff though (although no doubt someone will correct me). Seemed to be a lot of his newer stuff which unfortunately left me stumped. McLaughlin did 90% of the speaking too, and boy was that some speaking he did! The 60's will never be gone with him around... pass the peace pipe will you. Speaking of “peace” one of the tunes was McLaughlin's "Five Peace Band"... although it could have also been called "Four Peace Band" or "For Peace Band" with the way McLoughlin enigmatically heralded it. [EDIT arrrgghhhhh its FOur Peace Band... why didnt Chick do the talking!!]

Corea got to play a new composition, "Into Andromeda", which McLoughin cheekily opined "Woah!". I wonder if the piece refers to the probable collision of our galaxy and Andromeda in a few billion years... knowing Corea, probably :) [EDIT the song is actually called "Hymn To Andromeda", according to Chicks blog anyway... I don't know, I kinda prefer the collision reference with "Into Andromeda"]

It wasn't the smoothest of performances, there was a mic problem with Kenny Garrett at the start where he had to get it replaced. Also, during "Five Peace Band" Corea suddenly stopped playing and started shaking his head. The music did seem to get a bit loose at the time so I wonder if he thought something went wrong or if he himself made a mistake (perfectionism etc. :). Vinnie Colaiuta on drums wasn't happy with his throne. I didn't notice anything unfortunate with Christian McBride on bass, he was a beast :) It was the opening night of the "actual" tour and they all seemed relieved that they got through it relatively unscathed. [EDIT again, according to Chicks blog, the song could have been "New Blues, Old Bruise" that caused them a bit of bother rather than "FPB"]

Oh and finally, it seems that Corea is growing the tash' again :)

Chick Corea, Tonight!!!

Just getting ready for the big Chick Corea & John McLaughlin concert tonight (doing the hair and putting on the makeup :) I wonder how bad Cindy Blackman will be as a warm up act though... yeah, not really looking forward to that but hey, she might surprise us all, and I love being surprised :)

Anyway, the above song is the one that started it all for me and Chick Corea back in 2002. I was flicking through channels on the radio late at night when I landed on some jazz show on LyricFM. They were playing the second part of the Spanish Fantasy suite on the "My Spanish Heart" album. I was so taken with the drum and piano interplay that I text my girlfriend at the time to tell her to tune in and listen too. I made a note of artist and album and bought it on Amazon.co.uk there and then. It has since become one of my most listened to albums and I have bought it as a gift for people I know. I now own two copies myself, having reclaimed the copy I bought for my father before he passed away.

I havent a clue what the "All-Star" lineup are going to play tonight. I wonder if its going to be new stuff... the new stuff caught me out the last time. It sounds like there'll be a fair amount at least, if Corea's own musings about the opening night of the tour are anything to go by, "The music's tricky"...

Opening night in Monte Carlo - - wow - - what a fun band! John is spectacular! The music’s tricky - - but everyone loves the adventure. The band is bursting with energy - - - > > > Can’t wait to play in Cork , , , > > >

Can't wait indeed! :)

Motor Insurance Price Fixing

Call me stupid, call me a boy racer, call me a hit-and-run bumper-butcher, call me a drink-driving coke-snorting speed-demon hell bent on hitting school children, call me what you want, thats not the point....


The point is...

I am unable to comprehend how all insurance companies will be increasing prices unilaterally next year. I find it uncomprehensable because I thought there were laws against this kind of thing. Surely thats percentage price-fixing; a mother fucking cartel! I'm calling anti-trust on those insurance bitches!

[image via crazycrashes.wordpress.com]

The Journey Of The Beast

I did a fair bit of travelling on Friday last, up the country and back down again. As I neared home early Saturday morning I noticed that the total trip counter for the days driving was 662km (not the trip on the bottom right hand side, I reset that everytime I refuel). I was going to go around a roundabout a few times to deliberately get the distance upto 666 but I just decided to take my chances, drive normally and see where it ended up. From home and back again, I travelled exactly 666.3KM that day. Well, I thought it was funky anyway.

Bertie Ahern - The Musical

I've been singing this since way before the last general election, but now, with the cut-throat budget, it seems the perfect time to post about it.

Andrew Lloyd Webber's music and Tim Rice's lyrics come together in the wonderful musical, Evita, the story of the rise and fall of Eva Peron in Argentina in the 1950's. But did you know that with some minor adjustments, the musical can also easily describe the political life of our own Bertie Ahern?

The lyrics can be changed, song titles from the show easily amended: "Another Suitcase in Another Hall" changes to "Another Brown Envelope in Another Tribunal"... "Don't Cry For Me, Argentina" becomes "Don't Cry for Me, Dublin Central". The one song that hardly needs any changes though, is one which perfectly encapsulates the way Ireland has been for the last few years. The ignorence to how our economy has really been handled, the boom mismanaged and the money squandered. The song is "And The Money Kept Rolling In". It works on so many levels, it even describes Bertie's own fiancial arrangements:

"When the money keeps rolling out you don't keep books
You can tell you've done well by the happy grateful looks
Accountants only slow things down, figures get in the way"

Anyway, listen for yourself. Just change any references to Eva Peron to "Bertie Ahern" (it fits beautifully if you actually sing it) and any gender references. The altered lyrics are listed below.


^^ How could I forget about Tim Rice writing the lyrics ^^

Bertie's greedy hands reached out and they reached wide
Now you may feel it should have been a voluntary cause
But that's not the point my friends
When the money keeps rolling in, you don't ask how
Think of all the people guaranteed a good time now
Bertie's called the hungry to him, open up the doors
Never been a fund like the Foundation Bertie Ahern

[Chorus... FF Supporters:]
Rollin' rollin' rollin', rollin' rollin' rollin'....

Would you like to try a college education?
Own your landlord's house, take the family on vacation?
Bertie and his blessed Party can make your dreams come true
Here's all you have to do my friends
Write your name and your dream on a card or a pad or a ticket
Throw it high in the air and should our leader pick it
He will change your way of life for a week or even two
Name me anyone who cares as much as Bertie Ahern

[chorus]

And the money kept rolling out in all directions
To the poor, to the weak, to the destitute of all complexions
Now cynics claim a little of the cash has gone astray
But that's not the point my friends
When the money keeps rolling out you don't keep books
You can tell you've done well by the happy grateful looks
Accountants only slow things down, figures get in the way
Never been a leader loved as much as Bertie Ahern.

Bertie!!!
When the money keeps rolling out you don't keep books
You can tell you've done well by the happy grateful looks
Accountants only slow things down, figures get in the way
Never been a mister loved as much as Bertie Ahern

[chorus]



How I called his resignation on April 5th... Yeah, I was right.

Bertie Ahern
Irish Prime Minister 1997-2008
Criminal 1977 - current

Status: Still at large

Martial Arts for Senior Citizens

These frisky OAP's won't be taking Brian Lenihan's cutbacks lying down, I tell you! "Defend Yourself 101" is a website/weblog dedicated to free "simple but effective self defense techniques" for women and the older folks. It's run by Ted Truscott (in the piccy) and he believes "that everyone has a right to know how to defend themselves".

I particularly like the Cane Fighting video. He could be the next James Bond villan!


If youre impaitent skip ahead to get to the goodies.

An interesting website, nonetheless, and the best of luck to Ted with it. I wonder if he'll ever do a video about the old "concrete block in the handbag" trick, that works marvels or so I've heard :)

[http://raisingcanes.net/]

"He Left the Booze Alone"

Fucking ridiculous! 8 cent on a litre of petrol and nothing on alcohol (bar 50c on wine). Not that I would have condoned an increase but petrol is more important. I'm off to fill up the car right now before the price of petrol jumps from from €1.18 to €1.26 at the stroke of midnight tonight. Driving to work, to make a living and keep the econmy going, has become 8 cent dearer.

21.5% VAT means that I will be buying ALL my goods from the UK now, I will not buy anything in Ireland again. 1% Income TAX for minimum wage. Meanwhile the lowest dole has gone upto €204. Whats the point in working!?

The only person happy is Bertie 'fuck face' Ahern. He's laughing his fucking head off.

[Budget 2009 Summary]

My Predicition For the Budget 2008

Brian Lenihan will announce his budget for the nation tomorrow afternoon. No one knows for sure what changes he will usher in. Many have given predictions, here's mine:

There will be a massive tax increase on the sale of lengths of rope. With the amount of people loosing their jobs, savings, houses, pensions etc. Brian plans to make a killing with this increase alone. To offset any possible deficit caused by the increase in widow/widower pensions, Brian will be doing a Tax special on two lengths of rope if bought together.

Bad taste? Maybe you should lift your head away from Bertie's crotch for a second, he's the one that said this originally.. This is Berties "Final Solution" for 'cribbers and moaners' who complain about this "wonderful" economy he, and he alone, created (or at least thats what he used to say when things were good)!

[image by Roy Baldwin]

Yes, It's a Cock Ring!

Did you guess right? Yes, this "friendly" looking device is actually for ones manhood, the top to be exact. I can't recall how I came across it on Google images, searching for something innocent I'm sure :) It's affectionately named "The Dr. Sado Head-Ring with Spikes" and here's a a quoted description of it:

"The Dr. Sado Head-Ring with Spikes is constructed from stainless steel and developed specifically to torture the cock. The heavy steel ring is lined with six internal spikes that poke the head of the penis and dig in. The weight of the ring pulls on the cock while the small spikes stab into the head. The combined effect is a deeply focused and prolonged feeling of penis torment that should satisfy CBT slaves and the Masters and Mistresses who command them.

The Dr. Sado Head-Ring with Spikes is a heavy duty piece of cock torture equipment that concentrates on punishing the head in a wonderfully erotic fashion. Getting an erection while inside the ring adds to the already intense CBT. The spikes will dig in deeper as the cock swells and as the erection grows it will begin to lift the weight of the ring as it struggles. Mistresses and Masters will find great pleasure in teasing their slaves and submissives into a grueling state of arousal."

So there you have it... its for "Cock Torture!" lol But if all that doesnt bring a tear to your eye and sting to your crotch, this next fact certainly will. This little do-da retails for a whopping $94.99! Thats a deal breaker for me :)

Thanks to Bill and Des for their guessing attempts, obviously amateurs when it comes to "Cock Torture!" ;-)

[Buy it here at sincityboutique.com]

OpenOffice.org 3.0 final Unofficially Released

If you haven't already switched, now may be the perfect time. Copies of OpenOffice 3.0 final have been uploaded to various servers around the world ahead of its official release next Monday. The official list of download mirrors can be found here. Note that not all mirrors currently offer all OS flavors of OO.o 3.0 yet. Irish users can find a copy here hosted on heanet.ie. I'm currently installing it now and I'll be sure to mention if theres anything amazingly funky I find with it. I've only been using OO.o V2.xxx up until now, I wasn't tempted to try beta versions of 3.0 :)

[More info at ZDnet.com via usemycomputer.com]

What Is It?

It's time to guess that device again. I'll give you a clue: Sometimes the first thing you think of is the correct answer! :)

Ultimate Drum Machine

Another reason why Swedes rock! Taking tractor-blues to a new extreme (not sure tractor-blues existed before this, but anyway...) Can't wait to see these guys appear at a future Cork Jazz Festival. I can already smell the Opera House filling up with carbon monoxide(yes I realise that CO is orderless, its a joke).

[via Mixed Meters(seems like an interesting music blog)]

Like I said, Putin Could Take Rambo!

Victor Barry played this on his show last night. It reminded me of what I wrote in a post a while back about the war in Georgia...

"I'm siding with the Russians on this, for no other reason than because Putin looks like a Russian that could finally take Rambo!"

[via Vic Barry]

This is bigger than Apple switching to Intel chips!

I'm an OpenOffice user now. I installed it out of desperation a few weeks back when I couldn't get my hands on MS Office and needed to open a few Excel files in a hurry. I found the spreadsheet to be just as useful as Microsoft's effort, and most importantly, it felt much quicker and more stable than the version I tried a few years back. The same goes for the other units in the OpenOffice suite.

I lambasted OpenOffice along with Linux for years, but recently I did a fresh install of Windows on my primary desktop and installed OpenOffice in place of MS Office. I have absolutely no regrets. As time progresses I will be doing the same with all my computers. Who knows, maybe one day I might even start to use Linux more (been meaning to check out Ubunto Studio for a while, it looks interesting).

So does that mean in a few years I might even start using Apple products!?... I think some things are best left set in stone :)

Ladies & Gentlemen, I give you, Rod Stewart

Baby Jane!!!


George Hook, has left the building!

[more @ Teddy Bear Entertainment]

New Gmail Feature Stops Drunk E-Mailing

ha haha hha hahhahahah ahh aha ahah ah!  They need to introduce this on Blogger, like yesterday already (last Sunday morning to be exact :)!

"Gmail has added a feature called Mail Goggles that forces you to do five simple math problems designed toSTOP YOU FROM SENDING E-MAIL WHILE DRUNK. It goes active only late at night on weekends, and you have to enable it in General Settings."

[via The Raw Feed]

Queen... And Some Dodgey Scientology References

I was checking out Queen's new album, "The Cosmos Rocks". I was wondering how it would sound, would the spacey title manafest itself in either the lyrics or musical direction of the album. I was hoping it would, I'd love a good old concept album.

So I was kinda in the "space" vibe when I started listening. I play the first track. Some synthy guitar things happening, suddenly a voice starts to speak, "What planet is this?". Holy shit, the voice, the words, the context all sounded similar.... then some more speaking... sounded like gibberish. They I got it, I knew where I heard it before.

Back in the 80's, L Ron Hubbard with the help of some friends, wrote and produced a "soundtrack" for his book, "Battlefield Earth". The title of this album is actually "Space Jazz". The album is quite obscure but I managed to track down a copy of it a while back. I was eagre to get it because it had some jazzy favorites on it, namely Stanley Clarke, Chick Corea and his wife Gayle Moran. I've listened to it a lot, the thing is a masterpiece of awfulness. All the worst aspects to the Fairlight CMI are heard in this one. Corea has only a small part to play (he litterally just does a few solos) but his piano work on one track, "Jonnie", is classic Corea.

It's only a bit of fun, but have a listen and see what you think yourself. I think the fact that the track "Funeral for a Planet" begins with the line "What planet is that?" twigged with me first. But the voice and the gribbish is deffinately Psychlos talk! :)



What did I think of The Cosmos Rocks anyway? Pfff, it was ok... well produced but it sounded more like another bland easy-rock Brian May solo album... needs more Corea!

Darwin@Home - Artificial Evolution In Cyber Biology

Interesting, but the software wouldn't run for me. Maybe you'll have better luck.

[via]

She said I was a good dancer

[UPDATE later that same day] God bless rss feeds and feed readers... those of you signed up to the feed for this blog will have the original contents of this post forever!!! OMGZ! lol

To those "lucky" enough to have read my ramblings... I think the phrase youre looking for is "Know the one thats one too many!" Holy fuck balls, did I write that shit last night? lol The ironic thing is, I actually really enjoyed the night out and I don't know why I'd write something so depressing.

Oh and the bouncer spotted my fake ID too. He copped it straight away, just as I took it out of the wallet. He was letting me in anyway but I said I'd show it too him for the craic. I told him I did it up on the printer at home and I was at least 6 months younger than the date on it lol Its actually a carbon copy of my real drivers licence but I bring that one out just in case I loose it. I'm not surprised it he copped it, I'm just surprised how many others didnt!

Don't do alcohol kids! Do drugs, snort glue, sniff vegetables... anything but alcohol!

Oh and the title must be in reference to "Said She Was A Dancer" by Jethro Tull, cos that was song was in my head when I woke up.

Harry Crosbie: "Tough Shit! It's your fault, not the banks"

Harry Crosbie was on the G Ryan show this morning on 2FM. He was championing the €400billion insurance scheme the government have introduced to protect the capital held within the banks of Ireland.

He went on to discuss who's fault it was for the amount of unpayable debt existing within Ireland. He stated that its "your fault not the banks", for being so "greedy" over the lifestyle you wanted to live. He continued with, "No one forced you to take the money" he finished up with "tough shit!"