Those EVONY Ads. Are Definately A Trap

We have all seen those Evony banner ads. on websites around the web. On the surface they seem to be some kind of copycat cash-in on the World Of Warcraft thing, but their legitimacy seems dubious. Many have theorised what kind of scam is behind the game. I don't care about that, I'm much more concerned about the possible tarps involved with the organisation. Look at the model in that Evony advertisement. Theres definitely something manly about that face. Take a look at Bruno, there is a similar flavour in facial dimensioning!

I wasn't going to bother publishing this post as I thought, while mildly interesting, it was far to silly even for me, but then I found more proof! While reading a debate about whether Lady GaGa was born with a penis or not, someone called her Hermaphroditos (ancient god of Hermaphrodites) and posted a url about the deity. I was astounded when clicked on the link, not because I actually clicked it but because of what I saw. Case closed!

Very Close Lightening Strike On Video

Great video of a near-by lightening strike. The guy holding the camera sounds like he's already been hit by lightening though, he's definitely cracked! :) Listen to him recite the most relaxed response ever! Sounds a bit like Family Guy.

The video is super spooky though; check out that soundtrack... you know shit's coming when you hear that sound.

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I find a lot of myself within this cartoon...

Made me lol and smile :)

[via johnmcnab]

Prima Slappers Bitch It Out In Fair Shitty

I thought I had lost this video, but it turned up in a sneaky folder. This is from Ireland's premier soap opera "Fair City", which is set in Ireland's capital, Dublin. As you can see production values and acting are second to none. The hair extensions on Silé there look vicious. I've seen more realistic hair on Barbies crack. And the other wan' is straight out of a halting site. When will we see a cameo from Sligo's top babe, Aine Chambers. She'd fit right on in, perhaps appearing in the much promised one off episode: Fair City - Gangbang on the LUAS. I'll say one thing for Aine's videos; better than this muck!

Some Tim Exile Whacko Nonce-Sense

Here's a little bit of Tim Exile nonsense for your enjoyment. It's an extract from his first Gabbaret Lounge radio session. No particular reason for putting it up really. I was just listening to it again over the weekend and the Michael Jackson piece made me laugh (as it did the first time I heard it). With the hype over Jacksons recent death it seems a little bit funnier tbh.

And yes that is Chris Morris's face in the middle of the image in the video. The one thing that struck me when listening to Exiles Gabbaret Lounge stuff is how similar the style of humour and presentation is to that of Morris's Blue Jam radio work. Exile actually acknowledges this on his [old] website: "Like John Peel on fuckup juice, Chris Morris on contraceptives, The Mighty Boosh on probation." If you don't think this is like Breakcore Brass Eye, with the little sound bytes thrown in with great comic effect, then check out the last 30 seconds! It's almost as good as Joss Ackland's spunky backpack!

The State Of Journalism In Ireland Today

John Waters: most reading won't know who he is, and there's no point linking to wiki page as he's the only person that's allowed edit it (He threatened legal action against wikipedia after reading a paragraph where someone wrote that he had smelly feet [citation needed]) So here's my Riemann's Cut entry for him instead:

• Nonsense Journalist (I'll get back to this later)
• Failed Song Writer - Wrote two songs for the Eurovision, the first was laughed at by Ireland and never got put through, the second was laughed at by Europe and came last. It was titled: "They Can't Stop The Spring [but please god, make this shite stop now]"
• Hater of blogs - Mind you I agree with him here. I almost hate blogs as much as I hate newspapers.
• Hater of the internet in general - there are unconfirmed accounts that John Waters was actually Boxxy on 4chan. Eitherway, it's a tarp!
• Set up his own website after the wikipedia incident. It has one hyperlink... it's broken.
• Amazingly anti-Atheist (deeply anti non-Christian actually)
• Seemingly homophobic (Ironically, the more famous John Waters is a flaming homosexual)
  
• Is a really shit ice-skater

So getting back to the first point, and the nub of this post. Mr. Waters recently published two full page articles in editions of the Mail On Sunday Newspaper (The Mail is of course totally better than blogs - you can't wipe your arse with a blog). The two can be seen in the above picture in the form of stations of the cross.

The first was titled "Sneer if you like: it just proves that you're afraid of thinking for yourself." It relates to the recent mass delusion over a tree stump with a rough humanoid form. Somehow, Mr. Waters argues that those who have broken away from the brainwashing of Christian dogma and superstition are somehow incapable of independent thought.... yes, I see, hmmm.... I actually don't know how to respond to that. Must look up the Bible and see what it says.

The second relates to his reviewing of the recent Sacha Baron Cohen film, "Bruno": "I'd like to report an incident of gay bullying. I was the victim..." Dun dun dunnn! Holy shit, I love when there's a twist at the end of headlines... I didn't see that one coming. The whole article plays out like a "I'm not homophobic but..." thing. He talks about the negative reaction he got to his views he expressed on Pat Kenny's Radio1 show about the film. Well I'm not surprised, the the views were quite homophoic. At one point on the show, Mr. Waters said that the only part of the film he enjoyed and found funny was the "Swingers Scene". To him, the rest of the film was vulgar and obscene. The only part of the film that related to heterosexuality was the swingers-scene, the rest dealt with homosexuality! In his defence he did speak about the great 1916 struggle where homosexuals fought and died for gay marriage in Ireland: "Why did we need this? Is this what the men of 1916 died for?"

Mr. waters has a big problem with personal criticism and for a guy who likes to dish out his shitty opinions it certainly smacks of hypocrisy. Look, I've nothing personally against the guy, he kinda looks a bit cuddly and I'm sure he wouldn't rape you without a drink on him first, but if you stir shit for a living expect to get covered in some spunken yourself. If you put your cock in a hornets nest, don't expect an orgasm. I am crying, writing this.

Naked Ladies & Chainsaws

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Moon Plane

Not sure where I got this but I just found it on my hard drive. You must click for bigger for best effect.

[UPDATE] I got it here at a lovely "indexof" collection. The best internet treasures are found via searching Google for "index of" ;)

Flashdance - Love Theme - G.Moroder {music}

I did this years ago, just felt like putting up something a bit gentler. Production is whack but I did transcribe it by memory, which which made me feel kinda happy at the time :) I know the ending is wrong but I didn't want to go back and listen to the original at the time. Done with synth-action keyboard, hence the random key velocities. Go on, give it a listen, it's only a minute and a half long. My version might be crap but the beauty of Moroder's original composition shines through.

Love Theme by Gamma Goblin

[Flashdance: Movie : Album : Dancing]

"Civil Servants", According to Donald Pleasence

Listen closely... I think it calls it :)

Taken from Death Line(1972). A kinda bland movie, but it has a nice feel. Noteworthy for it's headlining actor Christopher Lee, (who appears in it for about 11 seconds!) and the fact that the movie Creep(2004) ripped it off big time. I like Creep too though.

Katie Couric (CBS News) Vs. G-Man (Half-Life 2)

So I like to watch the auto-tuned news videos by The Gregory Brothers on youtube (makers of that Churchill video I mentioned before). They use Katie Couric of CBS News quite a lot. I don't know what it is, whether its the lighting, the make-up, the robot expressions or what, but I think she's a dead ringer for G-Man in Half-Life 2.

A very silly video that I threw together in a few minutes. No attempt at close lip-syncing was made, but some does kinda match up by accident. The video I used is from my favourite machinima video (but heck ,isn't it everyones :) ) "I'm Still Seeing Breen".

The Sun - March 26th 2002 - Cover Doodle

I was routing around some old stuff in the office when I found a copy of The Sun from March 2002. It had one of my patented doodles all over the front (see, I've been mad for a long time :) ) I used TipEx for the mouth and eye highlights. I lambasted the "page 3" girl with wicked slogan tattoos. Ah the feminism was strong that day I guess lol

I looked through the rest of the paper and I read a name I hadn't heard since, well 2002 really: Milly Dowler. A 13 year old school girl who had vanished without trace. I either forgot or never heard, but her remains were found 6 months later and no-one has ever been charged for her murder (current suspect, Levi Bellfield, is a right nasty piece of work). It's very sad; I remember the videos of her being shown on the telly irning and playing the saxamafone [sic]. Good old Sun Newspaper though, responsible and legit "real" media (not like those smelly "evil" blogs) posted a story about a statutory rape case right above their piece on her disappearance. Well we all know what angle they were going for anyway. Still, it's not the worst I've seen. That honour goes to The Daily Star when they ran a piece lambasting the Brass Eye: Paedophile Special, the work of comic genius Chris Morris, next to a piece about how big 15 year old Charlotte Church's breasts were. This is one reason why I occasionally condone the actions of people who go postal, the world is fucking insane and sometimes the only way to relieve the pressure is to take all your clothes off and go running down the street wielding a sword.

Table Top Garden

I took this during the week, while playing with plants and tables.

Signal Strength {music}

I threw this thing together in about an hour one afternoon [and the artwork that night with help from two old photographs of mine]. Not much to say about this, except its more experimentation in Reason. A-Tonal, and in 3/4 time although you mightn't notice. I remapped the keys on my keyboard with midi-ox to allow for an easier way to experiment with atonality (a cool way to come up with new melodies when all you can see in your head is the scale of C Major). I finished it off with some real-time granular distruction [I promise to have a post up soon with a video and combinator patch demonstraiting it's use] Nothing perfect about it, but I liked how easy it is to create warp effects like at 36 seconds by merely muting a channel and twidling a knob on the combinator patch, and then a type of "spin down" effect at 59 seconds by doing something similar.

Soundcloud description: I think I might re-name this ... "Sketchy Signal Strengths and the Errors From Mars". A-Tonal, and in 3/4 time but you wouldn't notice. Home made real-time granular time-shitting within Reason. Skank you very much!

Signal Strength by Gamma Goblin

Ireland's Economic Problems...

This man caused them all, but who is he? :)

[I was wanking around and merged a picture of Brian Cowen with Bertie Ahern. INteresting results, I think it looks a bit like Eamon Gilmore :) At first glance you see Bertie, but if you leave your mind go blank Cowen appears]

"Hey Kim! Can I Rape Your Lips?"

"Clearasil* May cause sudden bursts of megalomania, manifesting in sexual assault."

I spotted this on TV a couple of weeks back. Very surprised considering how much they've tightened up on advertising recently, you know, the kind of "Don't show a woman in a kitchen or we'll be sued" attitude. Dominating women sexually is still fine though.

[See also: Lynx: "Flunitrazepam in a can!"]

My Back Garden Is Now Illegal

So there I was minding my own business, cutting the grass out in the back garden when I spotted a little pile of diced up mushrooms which I hadn't noticed before I ran the lawnmower over them. I thought nothing of it, after all, there's nearly always a mushroom or two growing in a garden, but suddenly my attention was arrested. I noted the staining on the stems. Now if Terence McKenna has thought me anything, it's that mushrooms that bruise blue are [in general] for the win! And likewise, mushrooms that stain yellow are [in general] for the loose!

Mary Harney, in all her "gigantic" wisdom, decided that the number one issue involving the Irish health care system was the use of "evil" magic mushrooms. Magic mushrooms do after all, kill more people in Ireland every year than cancer... in fact, magic mushroom give you cancer. All cancer is caused by magic mushrooms... and magic mushrooms give you AIDS too! In 2006, after a single man died from skulling a lethal dose of alcohol and gulping down all kinds of fungus he found growing in his rubbish bin, Mary Harney pushed through a law that not only banned the sale of magic mushrooms but it also banned the indiginous growth of shrooms throughout Ireland! And she managed to do it in a single week! Meanwhile the HSE is falling apart and all we get is the same old fucking "well, making changes takes time" bullshit!

So I'm wondering, should I should go to my local Garda station and report the illicit activities that my garden is engaged in? If I did, might you say I was "grassing it up"? heehee :) Technically I was actually breaking the law in the above pic as I was "in possesion" of a controlled substance, on the same level as heroin or cocaine. But hey, as long as the Guards don't find my "Josef Fritzl" styled basement, I'm laughing!

Tim Exile live session on Rob Da Bank, BBC Radio 1

Considering the fact that I seem to have watched this vid a couple of times every week since Tim uploaded it to YouTube, I decided I might as well include it in a post here. Still only 5000 views, after a month? Very sad!

I already mentioned it on Twitter when it appeared first. I thought it might have gone under the radar but I was delighted when Donncha O'Caoimh liked it so much that he re-tweeted it. What I originally said on Twitter was "Watch a music-magician conjure a tune out of thin air!" and the vid doesn't need any more of a description! Just watch it, it's fucking epic! Tim's vocals are always the shit!

My favorite part is 4:38... awesome scutter noises and dirty hip shaking!

[Posts about Tim Exile]

Condom-Mary Spotted By Holy Tree Stump

An eagle-eyed reader (me, no one else cares) has spotted the previously mentioned "condom-Mary" at the site of Holy Tree stump! The similarities are 100% and without doubt, even the figure of the infant Jesus is in the right position. This is very improbable and must indeed mean everything in the Bible is true, and possibly it heralds Armageddon. This is breaking news, keep refreshing, I'll let you know if I see the Apocalypse coming over the horizon.

Holy Mary, Mother Of Fucking Christ

Two big events in Irish current affairs: A tree stump that looks like an image of Holy Mary, and a rushed in new constituional amendment strengethening the laws around blasphemy. I love this country, seriously wonderful fucking place to be living in. Oh look, there's a leprechaun over there, to be sure to be sure!

I don't know if the condom-Mary is an old idea or not (the internet has a way of usurping my command of originality)* but you gotta admit, it's fucking uncanny! I thought of it during the week and I was going to setup a photoshoot of a condom myself but I happened to find this nice pic already done (apparently that's just spittle in the tip). All I did was rotate the image, the rest is completely untouched. You can view the original here. Jesus is on the wrong side but he's definitely in the condom, sitting in the arms of the Madonna (join me in a chorus of "Like A Virgin").

This post, titled around the idea of copulating Jesus is of course totally un-blasphemous. A "fucking Jesus" is a core belief of Gnostic Christianity. So I'm not actually setting out to offend anyone (as stipulated in the new constitutional rules), rather I'm just commenting on Gnostic beliefs. Gnosticism totally rocks by the way, it's full of ritualistic anal sex!

[UPDATE 26.05.10]

Well it turns out it was a new idea after all, and was soon passed around the internet like a $5 prostitute from the church of Mary Magdalene. Of course rather than just copy the image or even heaven forbid, hotlink to the source here, someone went to the effort of de-branding it for their own nefarious reasons, and then republished it.

Want to buy a house?

Bizarre advertising spotted by Miriam Ryan in this mornings Metro newspaper. I think the underlying sexual tension was a bit too subtle, so I made a few amendments to make the message a bit clearer.

[original supplied by Rachel Morrogh via Damien Mully]

Google.ie Just Got A Whole Lot Sexier

For a few moments I was fapping hard to Google.ie, but then they fixed it. Eircom, they make the interwebs moar fun, for the lulz, and the fappingz!

Banking Online Usability Fail

Back in college, when I first started handling "exceptions" in my programming, I used to sometimes get it wrong and use a handler that was too general on the outside of the method and it would catch any and all exceptions thrown before specific handlers inside the method could act. This led to some rather wooly error messages, like "You fail, you n00b!" I soon realised how to deal with exceptions correctly however and any exceptions thrown at runtime became clear.

It now appears that I was wrong however. In the real world of business, nobody goes into detail when handling errors. In fact, I think the above pic probably illustrates a very generous amount of detail of the problem encountered: It was a problem with the "digital certificate" after all. Oh hurrah, I should feel so lucky that it wasn't just "a problem" with the whole system that I had to figure out. Well I'm counting my fucking blessings right now...

Brain Music

Gizmodo has a cool article about a Connecticut scientist who has translated various MRI images of the human brain into MIDI resulting in eerie ambient 'music'. Changes in brain activity are created through the use of various stimuli and custom software allocates specific note values to different parts of the brain. Thus, when different parts of the brain are stimulated, different series of notes are triggered. [via Waveformless]

But what if you could translate brain scans in to music in real time, and had the volunteer listen back to the music that was being created. What would happen? Would you eventually get some kind of mad recursive fractal tune as the brain figured out what was happening, or would you just get random noise? Yeah, I going with random noise too :(

Sylvia Ji {art}

I love this woman's work; it's like Gothic Voodoo Gustav Klimt! Rich with modern graphic design elements but executed with old world techniques. Gold leaf is used to perfection. Her work, so archaically sexual, like an antique dildo shod in gold; so decadently beautiful, like a cut flower left to die. Wonderful!

Sylvia Ji's Website


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Australians Invent Perpetual Motion

Gerry Gainford was looking at the Irish Independent website today when he spotted an ad for a device which promised free energy forever!

A Zero point magnetic power generator is basically a Free Energy Generator. It uses magnets, and magnetic force to induce perpetual motion. It runs by itself, indefinitely without stopping, thus creating completely free electrical energy, which can fully power your home for free. A Perpetual motion device refers to a machine that runs perpetually i.e. indefinitely, and produces a larger amount of energy than it consumes. Thus, it produces free energy indefinitely, runs by itself, without having to need a third-party device or resource to power it.

Magniwork is a Australian invention which has promised to do all this magic; crikey! I gotta order me up one of these jobbies; fucking ESB robbing us blind! Oh but hang on a second, I spy with my little eye something beginning with FRAUD! I didn't see that one coming.

Apparently the plans you buying to build this [omega] device, are packed with little energy saving titbits, and thats how you end up saving money on energy costs. The device itself was originally a based on a plagerised version of Bedini SG circuit. Fuck sake, and there I was thinking it was some sort of "Fucks-Capacitor" [I did a quick google for "fucks-capacitor to see if anyone else ever thought of it, there were a few, but one was connected to a reddit page "Is there actually any way whatsoever to make my dick bigger". Alas, much like a perpetual motion device, it's probably impossible].

Oh one thing I just noticed with Gerry's blog, he has arranged his links in such a way to provide extra lulz. No matter what way you arrange it, "eating shit" always appears somehow. Genius!

AST Keyboard

It looks like "keyboard pics" is going to be a regular feature (well as long as I keep finding old keyboards anyway... maybe after that I'll ask for pictures to be sent in from viewers, a kind of "readers wives" affair).

This grubby little beauty comes off of my first ever PC, an AST 486 Advantage! (DX CPU I think). The Commodore was older but it wasn't originally mine. The rest of the computer is long gone (although I think the screen might be still floating somewhere). There are so many memories associated with that AST machine. "Memories" is an apt word really as I was always plagued with memory problems. The thing had 4mb ram but games always wanted more "upper memory" free. Nowadays I'd just google the solution but back then I had condemned myself to weeks of desperately runing a DOS program called "memmaker" in a futile hope that more "upper memory" would magically free up. Creature Shock was one such game. Some time later when I upgraded and finally got a chance to play it, I really wondered why I bothered, as Creature Shock is classed as one of the worst games ever made.

The AST Research Inc. company itself is long gone now too. The name AST came from the initials of the 3 co-founders, and as far as I can remember, there was a video of one of them introducing the machine when you started it up for the first time. It was some dude with a mustache anyway. The machine was bought on one of those ESB hire purchase things back in the mid 1990's. I can still remember the ad in the newspaper. There was a selection of softwares that came with it on cd-rom's. MS Encarta, MS Cinemania, MS Golf... and an AST multimedia cd-rom. Oh god I loved that AST disc, it had the cheesiest music ever. I'd love to have a copy of it again!

Some final notes: I remember when AST sponsored Aston Villa football club in the mid 90's, and Commodore once supported Chelsea. What was with computer manufacturers sponsoring football back in the 1990's? The AST PC was the first computer I played Doom on, such precious memories surround that, with the glorious Soundblaster16 (genuine)FM music, ah yes good times indeed :)

Other featured Keyboards: [Commodore] [Digital] [Nokia]

An Irish Summer: defined

I saw this on my iGoogle homepage just now... everyone join in for the Irish Summer anthem "rain and sun, rain and sun" now for the chorus "high humidity and chilly temperatures, death from Pleurisy in an Irish Summer, rain and sun!". I guess I might feel a little homesick if I was whoring it up by a poolside in Spain somewhere... well, I might anyway.

Shrapnel {art}

I've built up a few "Art" related draft posts and I decided to start firing off a few over the next meanwhilst. I'm starting with a piece called "Shrapnel" by Polish DevientArt member OmeN2501. I usually don't go for this kind of stuff, and I'm often fairly dubious of the way women are sometimes used in fantasy art, but this one caught my eye. The colour, the lighting, the pose, the framing and arrangement are all doing it for me. The hand in the foreground is major win.

Some will complain about the artists use of photographs as reference to elements of his work. I used to feel like that about art too, but then I grew up. A lot of peoples opinion of art is based upon how well one can draw something; how realistic it looks. It's been over 130 years since Monet's "Sunrise" and we're still obsessed with bashing those who don't draw a photo-realistic picture, from eye to pen alone. People look at my old drawings and paintings and tell what a "wonderful artist" I am. When I ask why do they feel that way they tell me it's because the drawings look so realistic. Looking realistic is pointless if it's just a carbon copy of a real world scenario, thats what we invented cameras for. Thats what I like about this digital painting. Through whatever means, the artisit has created a realistic image but it's totally of his own imagination, and indeed that's what fantasy art is mean't to be all about: bringing the fantastical to life!

He has many more paintings for you to enjoy at his own DevientArt gallery but his work is also featured here, on abduzeedo.com. You might find some others of interest. Like I said though, this isn't my usual cup of vodka.

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Spooky Video

There's something spooky about this video, can you spot it :)

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