Lisbon: Part Deux

The only thing that I don't get about this second Lisbon vote thing on Friday is how many people are taking it seriously. This is an absolute sham. It makes a mockery out of everything democracy is meant to stand for. Surely if a Yes decision is made on Friday we need to wait another year and have a final vote to see which decision gets two out of three?

I made no secret nor apology that I voted Yes last year, and if I went back in time and had to vote again, then I would most definitely be voting yes. Friday isn't going back in time and doing it again however. Friday is proof of why nothing you say or do really matters in Ireland.

Those who flip from a No to a Yes this time around are acknowledging that they were fucking idiots last year, with their heads totally stuck up their own arseholes. They are cowards and greedy cretins who want to shelter under the economic umbrella of the Union, now that Mr. Recession is biting at their bottoms! Idiots like Glenda Gilson and Eamon Dunphy are voting yes because "Well, things are tough now so lets vote yes to beat the recession!" What!? That's as crazy as what the No side were saying last year! Like that Ben Dunne with his "Don't know; vote no" shite. How about this for a slogan "Ben Dunne... full up on coke and hanging from a balcony somewhere in America."

If a Yes decision is made on Friday, Ireland's stance within Europe is made clear: We only want to be part of Europe if we are getting the treasures, and and only want to give something back if we are getting even more treasures: We are weak minded and easy to frighten: We are fickle and not to be trusted.

That's why I'm not voting on Friday. I'm not sure if I will abstain completely or just spoil my vote. I voted once already, they can count that fucking thing if they like. You got your answer and the answer was NO! The treaty has not been changed. The amount of money that's been wasted on this second Lisbon shite... we shouldn't have even had to vote on the first one! Fucking plastic democracy fooling the people!

If Sweden had to vote on Lisbon this Friday, this unrelated song by Swede, Joakim Widell, sums up how it would turn out. There's a subtle hint in there... or is there? Eitherway, it's my official unofficial tune for the proceedings.


So go out there and draw a picture of Mary Coughlan's arse on your ballot sheet. Give Willie O'Dea a big micky, or take the wig off Brian Lehihan. Be creative, do whatever you want, just don't vote in this abomination. Say "Fuck Off" to the Lisbon debate. Cheers!

I'm Sorry About What I Did To Your Pussy

Dear Sir,

It is with great regret to inform you that I believe I have killed your cat by accident yesterday evening. I am dreadfully sorry about this. It happened when I was reversing my ride-on lawnmower out of my garage to get better access to the blades underneath, which needed sharpening. I believe the recent humid weather has had an extreme blunting effect to tempered metal.

Until yesterday I was not aware that you even owned a cat but upon close inspection the cats remains, it bares an uncanny resemblance to you so I am without doubt to the identity of it's owner. I would be delighted to return the cats body to you at your soonest convenience. If you would rather deal with the remains on your own, you can find them in the ditch, next to Frank Tanner's gate (to the left had side). You can't miss it, it's just behind a clump of hemlock (I also marked the spot with an old choc-ice wrapper I saw lying around).

The cats body was in quite good condition the last time I saw it and I'm sure if you retrieved it quickly, it will still be in a good enough to have it stuffed. By co-incidence, my wife's cousin is a very well trained taxidermist and if you wish I can you his number. I will of course ask for you to receive a discount in the charge, it is the least I can do.

Again I am very sorry about all this. Rest assured your cat did not suffer at all during the incident. I was very quick to dispatch it with a nearby length of garden hose when I saw its face trapped under one of my wheels.

If there is anything else I can help you with, please let me know!

Kind regards,
George Chaversmith.

Venereal Sporran

[More at artgoddess.com]

Matt Bellamy Really Is A Butt-Plug Afterall

It's with great interest that I have discovered two of the following facts about MUSE front-man, Matt Bellamy: 1) he pals with Lily Allen 2) he thinks internet usage should be monitored and taxed. I'll swiftly deal with the first point. Lily Allen is a disease, a fungus, a canker that crosses my path every so often. I would be delighted to download a snuff movie over bit-torrent some day where she is the leading actress. Bellamy's association with such a tramp does nothing for my opinion of him.

Bellamy sent Ms. Allen a response to her whining about "oh noes, them pirates is stealing my all muniez... I am quitting the music business forever!":

"My current opinion is that file sharing is now the norm. This cannot be changed without an attack on perceived civil liberties which will never go down well. The problem is that the ISPs making the extreme profits (due to millions of broadband subscriptions) are not being taxed by the copyright owners correctly and this is a legislation issue. (more)

Radio stations and TV stations etc have to pay the copyright owners (both recording and publishing) a fee for using material they do not own. ISPs should have to pay in the same way with a collection agency like PRS doing the monitoring and calculations based on encoded (but freely downloaded) data. Broadband makes the internet essentially the new broadcaster. This is the point which is being missed.

"Also, usage should have a value. Someone who just checks email uses minimal bandwidth, but someone who downloads 1 gig per day uses way more, but at the moment they pay the same. It is clear which user is hitting the creative industries and it is clear which user is not, so for this reason, usage should also be priced accordingly. The end result will be a taxed, monitored ISP based on usage which will ensure both the freedom of the consumer and the rights of the artists- the loser will be the ISP who will probably have to increase subscription costs to compensate, but the user will have the freedom to choose between checking a few emails (which will cost far less than a current monthly subscription) and downloading tons of music and film (which will cost probably a bit more than current subscription, but not that much more)." [text via hypebot.com]

For a man who produces music with lyrics that contain so many references to "big brother", loss of civil liberties, corruption of bureaucracy, the Illuminati, space cowboys and plug in vaginas etc. I am gobsmacked that he could honestly come out with such dirge! I really can't believe he wrote that himself, surely he just let his record label put his name to something they invented.

And what, Mr. Bellamy, for your ripping off other peoples music and sound? Are you paying Radiohead and Queen "taxes" too? Like your mixtape-making shit-fucking friend, Lily Allen, you're a dirty hypocrite too. Oh wait, when you do it, it's a "homage". Bullshit! And poor Mr. Chopin is spinning is his grave with the way you STOLE his Nocturne. You were able to steal and butcher it because the poor fuckers been dead for over a hundred years and he hadn't sold himself to an soul-sucking record label like you have! Pathetic!

I bought MUSE's new album last week and honestly thought it was terrible. I own all their albums on CD, many singles and numerous live DVD's. This is the first time I really wish I hadn't bothered (which is a pity because I really thought they were going somewhere with their last album). Not content with ripping off other peoples music, MUSE have started to rip-off their own old tunes and try to pass them off as new works of art. Altogether a really boring and awful piece of tosh, with a pathetic attempt at prog-rock (20 minutes of pop chord-progressions with a concert orchestra is neither new nor interesting!) Mr. Bellamy, remember that when you find sales of your records falling... is it piracy or is it Memorex? No it's just crap!

Finally, isn't it interesting for a band like MUSE, who were often called a Radiohead tribute act, should take a stance against filesharing which is a a direct opposite to that of said Radiohead. To be honest I never liked Radiohead, I always found their music a bit wishy washy, but at least they stand up for what they believe in and really do do it just for the music.

A song for Matt and Lily via TorrentFreak

Bunny Suicide

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So Awesome!

More stupid youtube links, but hot damn, this shit is awesome! I favorited it a few weeks back but I feel like spreading the love tonight. "Got a match?" performed by one guy! Awesome shit right here! You like music? You Like insane talent? You like homemade Youtube videos? Then watch! Bass solo is my favorite, he almost makes it sound like a jazz guitar.

My Gig list, Autumn 2009

Oooh this is exciting, I finally have enough gigs lined up, and with time to spare, to have a "gigs list". This must be how Betty The Sheep usually feels on a daily basis :) Lets run through these bad mothers:




Jon Lord's Concerto for Group and Orchestra - National Concert Hall - 24.09.09

Brad Mehldau Trio - Cork Opera House - 18.10.09

The Sun Ra Arkestra - Everyman Palace Theatre - 23.10.09

Yurodny - Everyman Palace Theatre - 24.10.09

Al Di Meola - Everyman Palace Theatre - 24.10.09

Gerry Adams: Action Hero

The man, the beard, the Armalite, the legend...



Gerry Adams, star of such classics as: "Decommission Man", "Drumcree Conflict" and "Drumcree Conflict Part 2: March Harder!"...



Gerry Adams says: 'Well... let me tell ya now... let Arnie keep his "I'll be back!", cos I have my "I haven't gone away, you know"'

A Letter To My Neighbour....

Dear Mrs. Hithersmith,

I hope this letter finds you well. Let me get straight to the point. I refer to your frequent displaying of undergarments on your washing line every 3 to 4 days. This display of your most intimate garb causes, without fail, an enormous stiffening of my undercarriage. While this may be deemed as a pleasurable activity with most humans of the male variety, it causes me great discomfort. This is down to, in no small part, an unfortunate birth defect, which is medically known as "Misaligned penile epidermis". While I have no wish to shock you, I feel I must fully explain this condition for you to appreciate my disposition. In short, I have less skin on one side of my penis than the other. This means that when my penile tissue engorges with blood, one side lengthens further than the other, causing my penis to curve around in a semi-circle (to help you picture this: imagine a banana on its side, or half a roundabout). Such a contortion to the phallic device is very unnatural and causes immense pain to my member.

I realise that you must do you washing, and that the clothing most in contact with your lady depths will probably need more cleaning than others. It would therefore be very unfair of me to ask to to cease cleaning these. I do ask however that you please put these items up to dry at night only, where darkness can natural hide their sexual provocation.

I am currently working with my doctor to find a cure to my ailment. At the moment I am on heavy medication and I hope to have surgery soon (to help pay for this, I am selling modern paintings inspired by my sexual frustrations, perhaps you would like to view one for purchase?) The medication I take is quite potent but I can still "hornate" if over stimulated.

Your discretion in all this is most appreciated.

Thankfully yours,
Gavin Gustav



PS I include an example of my artwork at no extra charge.

Dark Ages - A Capella

I watched this video last night of Ian Anderson in his recording studio circa 1979, recording "Dark Ages" from Jethro Tull's "Stormwatch album. Ian never had the strongest voice in the world but he did have a very authentic folkish lilt going on. The video has an abruptly beginning with Ian singing a capella. It gave me the chills the first time I watched last night, to be very honest. I was singing Dark Ages all day today because of it. There's quite a lot of the solo vocal track here, so I'm definitely going to rip it and add it to something... perhaps with lots of vocoding too (because say what you like about the early 80's Tull sound, I fucking loved it! :)

I've been planning a proper post about Ian Anderson and Jethro Tull for (Dark) ages. The man is a musical, comic, and lyrical genius. He's also a bit of a twat :( I saw a recent interview given by him and he really has lost interest in music for any other reason other than profit. It's a real pity. For a man who was always doing something new and ahead of the game, to hear him saying "Music is dead, all new music is just a rehash of earlier stuff" and "I only do concerts now to pay bills" well it kinda comes across a bit tragic.

Why Is Gerry Adams At A Vietnam War Memorial

There's a very famous painting by Lee Teter called "Vietnam Reflections" which details a man in from of a Vietnam War memorial. I had to ask though: why is Gerry Adams in it, and has he got Semtex in the briefcase?

This Picture Can Mean Only One Thing....

Tuvok wasn't the only black Vulcan...

If you want it for some reason, get it here...

My Current Desktop

Even heathens must surely appreciate this image for what it is.... awesomeness! And check out the hi-res version. Theres so much detail, you can clearly make out how the male danseurs tuck themselves up in their dance belts.

The image is of Yuan Yuan in the principal role of The Firebird and it's a photograph Erik Tomasson. I found it via google images months back while doing a search for god knows what. Rediscovered it again today. The image was located on Rachel Howards blog (author and dance critic). There are so many wonderful hi-res images there, it's well worth a look. She doesn't update her blog much but there is plenty of past content to keep you reading through :)

A few more fine images by Erik Tomasson found at her blog...

La Sylphide is a subsidiary of Riemann's Cut

Some People Just Don't "Get" Magic.

Some people just don't get magic. I mean, the vitriol thrown at Derren Brown is amazing when you think of it. And yet not, when you take into account of the amount of interest his "lotto" stunt generated. Interest will always go both ways, but it still boggles me as to why people call him a "fake". He's a magician, an illusionist, a whatever-you-want-to-call-him man, of course he's a "fake"! Christ, he gets paid to deceive you (a great slogan for anti-Christian groups, right there). Just because he includes topics of psychology in his shows doesn't make him a man you should get on the chez-long [sic] with and tell him about why you keep dreaming of having sex with shoes covered in jam.

Sometimes deception isn't nice (like when your girlfriend tells you she must have gotten anal warts from contaminated toilet paper) and then there's good entertaining deception. That's what he's all about. Fucking around with your head so you don't know whats real and what isn't. "Uh it can't be video effects coz he sez he doesn't use them" but he's a magnificent magician, festive con-man, a cunning linguist (Ha! see you thought joke is funny because it sounds like someone who licks vagina, but it's actually funny because Derren Brown is gay! But I guess that doesn't automatically mean he doesnt practice muff-diving either. Ok, it's funny because it doesn't make sense in the paragraph <--- see, misdirection) Anyway were the fuck was I? Getting my balls mixed up again....

Right so, just because he said he doesn't do something doesn't mean he doesn't. Slight of hand here, slight of micky there, its all good! Not knowing whats real and what isn't is what makes it fun. Look at why people drink or do other drugs: theres a great want to be fucked up all over the place, seeing the truth but seeing it's vastness, reality becomes even more baffling... hyper-realities coming out your hole... you know, all that good stuff! But better still, look at blogging. The best blogs are the ones where you don't know if I'm... sorry I mean, they :) are joking or not. It's like saying children are great, but sometimes there's such a thing as being too tight. That's the kind of stuff I live for and that's why I like comedians like Jerry Sadowitz so much. Of course if it ever turned out that Sadowitz really did desecrate the dead body of Jill Dando with his penis, well then I guess the joke kinda dies a quick death... funnily enough, a bit like Jill Dando herself.

So yeah, I can definitely see why Sadowitz loves this guy (well not literally... although you never know). You can see why he pushed so hard for Channel 5 to give Brown a break in TV. I think that right there shows up the other "un-credited" side of Sadowitz which is again why I like him. Underpinning all his "filth" and crass shenanigans is a fairness and decency which some people fail to ever spot. They only ever witness the dichotomy in mono. Anyway, enough of the love-in with Sadowitz and Brown... fuck, throw in Jill Dando and it's almost an orgy.

Some people will have watched the "lotto explanation" and have been drawn in, some will belittle it, cynically calling him a fake for doing what his job description is, others will explain it away as just entertainment. The thing you must remember about the show: you might not have swallowed it, but you weren't the only target. Derren Brown managed to convince 24 everyday people, watching the lotto draw in that little room, that their mad little scribbles earlier in the day had managed to predict the correct 6 numbers. That's what he does, he fucks with you, mentally. Deception, that's the name of the game. Fool me once shame on you... fool me again, and again, and again... as long as it's entertaining! ;)



PS The fact that he got so many people talking, spitting bile, generating websites about the deceit, bringing down Twitter with floods of wank.... that was his Coup de grâce! He's already taken in more money now than actually winning the lottery. You think he's shit, but he has you, thinking? Think about it! Snowflakes!

Derren Brown Lotto Numbers Predicition

I only saw this a few minutes ago, not the other night like most people. I'd do it with camera trickery:

• Camera is fixed in place. (a shot of the camera man is shown holding the camera in his hand, but why did we need this shot? It's the only time that camera is used and it makes a nice break in stream between the "running into studio" and "watching the tv" parts)
  
• Camera shake is false and virtual-shake is added in.
• Screen is split down the middle with the "ball side" frozen (nothing worse than frozen balls!)
• As the numbers are called out, assistants change the balls in the holder. Derren takes his time writing down the numbers.
  
• The frozen screen is slowly faded out (notice the ball on the left appears higher just after the tv is turned off but you can't notice an obvious height change)
• Shazam!

That's how I see it working if it were just camera shenanigans, but is it right? He said it took him a year of his life and "you can do it too", but how would camera trickery fit with those? More misdirection? Who gives a fuck? Fair enough! Anyway, see how it's really done this evening on Channel 4 at 9pm.  Since everyones talking about it I thought I might just act like a cretin and talk about it too.

[UPDATE] I watched it again, the camera must definitely be on a tripod. The way it rotates when he walks past the tv, it snatches in a jagged fashion. Then when it zooms in you can see the micro-vibrates like those caused by a telephoto lens moving on a tripod.

A lot of people are going to be pissed if this turns out to be just video effects.

Vimeo.com, it started so well...

Vimeo removed all, bar one, of my videos which they were hosting. They claim it was due to copyright infringements, although many of the ones they removed contained only content that I created myself and as such I was the full copyright owner. Even more bizarrely, the only video they left was a blatant infringement on copyright law as it was a song by Chick Corea with the cover artwork for the video.

I have recently started to use youtube for my videos anyway but decided to upload one last video to vimeo for all times sake. It was a short clip of a Keziah Jones concert which has always plagued me with "take-down" notices no matter where I uploaded it to. I wouldn't be surprised if this again was the root cause of all this.

I have written to vimeo asking for videos which I own copyright to to be reinstated. I honestly expect a reply but I imagine it will be in the form of "please tell us which were yours." Which would be a fun response as it would indicate they don't know why they removed my videos in the first place.

I think vimeo as a video hosting site may disappear soon (one of the reasons for my switch). I believe they are really feeling the pressure from youtube's recent HD improvements and I'm not sure how many people will continue to pay for a service which is run by monkeys.

Kerry Katona Visits Holiday Resort Once Favored By Katy French

Fair City 'Dating'

Sheila thinks she's an ugly minger but when a tall dark and handsome man sends her an email she can't help but give a little quirt of love mucus from between her legs

I caught this during the week, I made a not of chaging it. I didn't go overboard. This one's for the fans.

I wrote a letter today....

I recently wrote to a person informing them of the identity of the person who kept interfering with the arrangement of their lawn furniture at night. The person replied accusing me of being the real perpetrator and threatened to kill me if I didn't stop, so I wrote a reply:

Dear Sir,

I notice an interesting amount of hostility in your last correspondence. I shall remember that when I am making out my Christmas card list this year. I always knew you might be a bit of a blag'ard but I never thought you would resort to acts of such violence. I gave you my information in good faith and this is how you treat me. Sir, I am shocked. You have put me off masturbating for the entire day. Now I feel the need to take the money I was saving for a Fleshlight and spend it on a flak jacket instead. I thought we might be friends some day but obviously, like a vulva in the shape of toaster, somethings will never be.

I will leave you with a verse from the Bible that I think mirrors the situation. It's taken from Luke: Chapter 12 Verse 20 past 4.... "And Jesus rose from where he was sitting and said to Judas: "You cunt!"

Thank you and good day,
Garrett Gibney

Avoid Contact With Brain

Sonia O'Sullivan

Click image for nudie view!

I started this years ago, probably just after the 2004 Olympics. Not sure where I got the idea for a nude Sonia O'Sullivan, I don't think it had anything to do with the dreadful shenanigans she had to go through at the Atlanta games in '96 when she was forced to strip naked in the tunnel pre-race because she was wearing the wrong shade of green running gear. Although, thinking about it, it might have been... I was sure I read somewhere, that she once ran a race naked. Bizarre, but a true memory.

I spent most of the night looking for an image of suitable body double. Eventually, after a few *ahem* interruptions, I came across a close match. I spent so much time on finding the pic I never bothered doing a decent job of merging the two images. I left it there until a few days ago when I got the brain wave of covering the nipples with two gold medals. I slapped the whole thing together in a few moments and popped it up here now. You can see the original by clicking the image.

On a serious note: fair enough, I berate the Irish a lot, but I really can't fathom why we don't have more pride in our international athletes. So what if they win or don't, we should still do a better job at supporting them and showing interest. The biggest problem facing Irish athletes (and the irish public as a whole) is confidence, and lack there of. Sonia suffered from it, and so do other athletes today. All you have to do is look at how they cracked under the pressure in Berlin this year. And can you blame them, we show so little interest in their activities. Stephen Spillane wrote of how he was forced to watch the BBC coverage of Irish athletes performing in the World Athletic Championships this year because RTE didn't even bother. We only seem to care when we are winning gold medals, but it's hard to perform when you think no-one back home gives a fuck either-way. I'll stop now before I turn into John Waters.

Kimberly Kurz - Diddlyi.com

Not really into the "diddlyi" dancing in general (being Irish means nothing), but I love this pic of German Irish-dancer, Kimberly Kurz, taken on a beach in Dubai. There's actually a lot of nice pics on her diddlyi.com profile page. She certainly manages to get up quite high :)

[Original image page]

This is a post to remind you of my other blogs, which I sometimes update seperate to this. La Sylphide, has a few posts not on here.


La Sylphide is a subsidiary of Riemann's Cut

Slovenija

Spend, Spend

Real Life TETRIS

The original needed some music, so I provided.

[original via Big Mental Disease]

Ireland's Magic Motorways

Ireland has a lot of magic to it: the crocks of gold of the leprechauns, the crock of shit of the NAMAs, but really, these magic motorways that are springing up over night are quite astounding. Suddenly Ireland has gone from having hardly any motorways to being full of these lovely blue signed twin carriageways. But hang on, something's rotten in the state of Bertie Ahern's underpants (and I don't mean that moldy ring of Celia Larkin's fuck-whack he never washed off the base of his cock)... this is a holocaust no less! Mass genocide of dual-carriageways! [I'll be talking about the N8/M8 switch in particular].

While I acknowledge "upgrading" the status of dual-carriageways to motorways in Ireland is old news now, the manner of it's actual implementation is quite stunning. Upgrading seemed to be defined as joining the dots along the hard shoulder. Oh and for the pedants: yeah, they threw up a few lengths of barbed-wire in the margin a few years back too. What effect this "barrier" would have though seems questionable. Many sections of this "new" addition to the M8 have carriageways of unequal height, meaning that one side is above the over, and actually sometimes over shadows the barrier. A flailing articulated truck crashing over this margin into oncoming traffic conjures up images of a helpless Wile Coyote with the side of a cliff about to land on him!

Here's a map showing the old N8 before it turned into the M8 overnight [note: the legacy of this post may mean that Google will have altered their map data to take effect of this change in the future].



View Larger Map

So, a painted line is all thats needed for a road to be classed as a motorway. No emergency phones, no alternative national route. Take a look at all those back-wood regional roads one needs to take if they end up off the motorway (Pray there's never a road blockage!) and while learners shouldn't be driving when it's not for learning purposes yada-fucking-yada... they are now forced out on to twisty, bouncey, narrow, pothole ridden dangerous roads once more.

Oh my cock is engorged with blood; I really have a horn for this planning scheme; it's fucking beautiful. Other countries have multiple motorways between destinations as well as a national route. Ireland's going to end up having one patchy (toll ridden) motorway between Cork and Dublin, with no alternative national route. If those lines they're painting are so magical, maybe we could paint a line up the crack of Brian Cowen's arse and call him a competent leader also. I respect people who don't pay road tax.

Eircom Block Pirate Bay Website but...

... leave old logo.ico design.

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