Why I'm Cynical About Irish Road Safety



Residents of the Fermoy area need no explanation for this illustration. The "Fermoy Bypass" is an absolute crime against not only the town but also of the nation. All tolled roads in Ireland are crimes against the nation. We like to remind ourselves that we fought the opressors for "800 years" who beat us down with their penal laws and illegal ownership on OUR lands. Now we see cretin drivers happy (and I actually mean happy, fucking jolly like) to hop their coins into the toll baskets of toll booths for Irish roads owned by foreign companies. But now with the idea that "The Sheriff of Nottingham" wants to toll every road in Ireland, this is an argument for another day.

Instead lets focus on what the diagram specificifally demonstraights: that speed limits in Ireland are nothing but cinical tools to alter driving patterns, not for safety, but for profit. Be that profit from speeding fines or in this case, another deterrent for you not to use the "free" alternative to the tolled section of the M8. This example is old news, but it's still grinding nerves for locals and people who travel it every week.

We were promised that with the national change from MPH limits to KPH limits, all roads would be reviewed in turn and new appropriate KPH limits would be put in place: they lied! Old MPH speeds were rescaled to KPH and that was it. When I tried to argue this point before, and that the then current range of road safety ads were downright stupid and misleading, the groupies of the hipster wannabe film directors took pot shots at me. Well fuck them, because with the correlation between lengths of new motorway opened every year plotted against dropping road traffic deaths gives me a massive dick-throb. It proves what I, along with every other sensible person (including the AA) has been saying: that roads and road quality play a major factor in road deaths and not just speed.

But why do I bother to care. They even want to toll the Jack Lynch tunnel now. One is just beating one's head off the wall, or steering wheel, or one of the plethora of new promised speed cameras (that have been proven not to improve road safety in the UK, but fuck the UK right? They are the Hun after all, the Hun that imposed taxes and tolls on our land for 800 years! Yeah we'd never accept that sort of behavior again, now would we!). Speed cameras are fine, if you don't be a cunt and use them cynically to gather funds for your fucking fat bloated fuckface of an ineffective government, chockablocked full of dick-head cunt fuckers and shit eating pancreatic-cancer bastards!

There's never a Guard on the Fermoy road anyway so it's all a big joke. Ha!

Anonymous wrote...

[I wrote this post over 2 years ago in reply to an Anonymous commentator on this blog post where I detail the failings of the then current road safety TV ad campaign. I held back from posting but decided to now as I have a related new blog post waiting to be published.]


"you are an idiot. politely putting this your views on the road safety ad were wrong and you missed the point completely with the advertisement winning an effectiveness award. Also the reason the speed limit was dropped on the fermoy road was more than likely due to people like you who think speeding is relative to how confident you are as a driver causing accidents because they were unable to react to a situation that suddenly occurred and due to their high levels of speed. Their is a reason why the RSA are promoting a reduction in speed from drivers. Its because statistically proven speed kills, not bad roads."

I can barely read what you wrote; have you ever heard of punctuation? I'm forgiving when it comes to grammar usually, but sometimes you just need it. ,,,,,,, Theres a few free comma's for you to use next time you deside to try your hand at writing English.

"you are an idiot"

Fair enough I guess, since your authority on idiocy obviously exceeds my own.

"you missed the point completely with the advertisement winning an effectiveness award."

So the ad. won an effectiveness award and yet I missed the point of it? Well if "idiots" like me don't "get it" then I guess its not all that effective after all.

"Also the reason the speed limit was dropped on the fermoy road was more than likely due to people like you who think speeding is relative to how confident you are as a driver causing accidents because they were unable to react to a situation that suddenly occurred and due to their high levels of speed."

Christ, what were you attempting to say in all that gibberish? I "think" you were suggesting that the limit was lowered because the speed limit was unsuitable. Yeah maybe youre right, maybe after all these years the county council decided to "fix" the limits... or maybe its because it was downgraded from a primary route to a seconardry route when the M8 motorway was opened, and as you may be aware (although I doubt it), that means that the speed is automatically dropped from 100kph to 80kph, irrespective of road quality. The road hasn't changed physically, just its colour on a map. Cynics will point out that this was a deliberate attempt to force people onto the tolled motorway. I wont comment on that, but I will say that there is no longer a government controlled national primary route between Fermoy and Cork, on the Dublin to Cork Road. Thats beyond a fucking joke!

Anyway listen, you little snot of a commentator, the roads in Ireland are a fucking disgrace! Until we wake up and realaise that successive governments have been wasting EU money on shite and not spending it on needed infrastructure it doesnt matter how many ads we have on tv with Gay Byrne waving his micky around the place.

"Their is a reason why the RSA are promoting a reduction in speed from drivers. Its because statistically proven speed kills, not bad roads."

Oh jeez, statically speaking, you will find that people die mostly on "bad stretches of roads". I'm so glad you've proven that you actually didnt read what I wrote, it makes me even more smug in the deffinate knoweledge that you are a cretin who deserves to be scraped up off the road some day. I mentioned umpteen times that I accepted that speed kills. What I don't accept is the ignorence to poor road quality completely missing from these adds. Why is it always a child or a dog thats the "unexpected", when in reality its usually a fucking crator of a pothole around a band bend that happens upon you without notice. Make just one ad where you admit that the roads are shite and I will give my 100% suport to all road safety campaignes.

You fail to understand what relativeity is. Of course speed limits are reletive, to suggest otherwise is buffoonery! Why is the speed limit on motorways 120kph while in built up areas this drops to as low as 30kph. It's because motorways are "relatively" safer at high speeds than city driving. Just the same as secondary roads are meant to be "relatively" inferior in carriageway quality than that of primary routes, but as I proved with the Fermoy road changing its class overnight, this system is made a joke of in Ireland.

You seem to be of the opinion that I think speed limits should be increased. Oh no my dear, "people like me" think, if anything, that most roads need a drastic cut in speed because their quality is so dangerous. A point missed by an "idiot" like you.

Kathryn Thomas: Banged Up Abroad



What an interesting mash up of programs this would be. [Kathryn Thomas: wiki] [Banged Up Abroad: wiki]

RoboGeisha (2009)



No textual review needed. Pictures, concept, and country of origin say enough. [RoboGeisha (2009)]

Gay Byrne And The Road Safety Brigade


If this don't play for you (or if you don't like the aliasing created by the bad scaling [yes, I should have thought it out a bit more before hand]) click here to view.

CABBAGE Music

Everyone has to have at least one CABBAGE in their repertoire. Did this quickly for someone who didn't believe in the power of the musical CABBAGE. I Don't know where I got the image for the Cabbage-head man I'm afraid.

For those unfortunate few who don't understand: The bass line is made up from the musical note C A B B A G E. It's been done a thousands of times by thousands of people. This is just another one.

Oh and I don't know how "Sumertime" snuck into the middle of it either. It caught even me by surprise.

CABBAGE by Gammagoblin

Definition Of "Casual Photography" Is Wide & Varied



So you want to be a model, and you put your pictures up on Pure Storm for a photographer to come across and notice. I know, catagorising every image can be hard... but "casual"? For this one? Really? Especially odd considering she had "going out pics" on another image. And what an interesting choice of backdrop to the subject matter... Perhaps it's just her angle to get some exposure...

A very genuine best of luck to xxxbeccalulaxxx in her fledging modeling career.

8-Bit Dual-Manual, Pedal Board Synthesizer



Fantastic. I can't put it any other way, this is just fantastic, and I'm not even that big of a 8-bit music fan. I think what I like best about it is that it brings the whole 8-bit scene out into the music world that I'm more familiar with.

It's Swedish creator, Linus Åkesson, calls it the "Chipophone" and you can read more about it at his website http://www.linusakesson.net/.
The Chipophone is a homemade 8-bit synthesizer, especially suited for live chiptune playing. It has been built inside an old electronic organ.


All the original tone-generating parts have been disconnected, and the keys, pedals, knobs and switches rerouted to a microcontroller which transforms them into MIDI signals. Those are then parsed by a second microcontroller, which acts as a synthesizer.
[via Make]

Guess The Total Of My "NAMA Bottle"



I can't promise you a prize but you never know what you might get if you guess the correct amount (to the nearest Euro) contained within this 5litre water bottle. I've been collecting odd change on and off for the past 6 years in it and I spent yesterday evening counting it out.

I can tell you that the whole thing weighed 12.5 kilograms (2 stone) before I emptied it, and there were all kinds of coins within in (€1, €2, 50c coins, not just scrap). I'll give the answer in the comment section later in the week, so if you're curious about the total, comment now and subscribe to follow up comments.

Slog



[Video Credits: Gammagoblin]
[Audio credits: Jörg Piringer]

Unionist Girls Love Bukkake



They love it so much, they advertise it on their faces. One girl wears protective eyeware; a wise precaution. Sometimes frantic fapping can cause the jizzle to be propelled at high velocities and may cause temporary blindness. Plus semen stings like crazy. Tonight is a joyous night, celebrating the cultutre of Northern Ireland. Let us all sing "The Sash Me Father Wore" while we fap together!

[image via http://sluggerotoole.com/]

"Beat That Bitch!"



10 minutes of half-naked black-trash street-fighting outside Oakland Burger King, USA. Worth watching for the whole 10 minutes but shit gets real intense at 6min 20sec. Crazy and sad at the same time, but entertaining like a train wreck.

[via blueollie]

The Blog Awards

The Irish Blog Awards? You must be joking, these are my blog awards! Although I must admit they are just as glicky and back slapping as the Irish ones [oh there's me shunned for another 10 years, but fuck it, Damien never liked me anyway :-P]

I have these Brillo Award things, which are basically handed out to people who have said nice things about either me or my blog, and have told others about me. So I'll be handing out a few more of those later in this post, but first I'd like to list out a few more sites that I read on a regular basis, because I'm quite crap at handing out the link loves (this is down to laziness rather than anything else). We shall begin, in no particular order....



"Blu's Eyebrow Blog"
http://blubrow.blogspot.com/


I must admit, when I came across this blog randomly one day I did have a little laugh at it's subject matter and even said WTF. But I kept coming back to it, and you know why? Because it's good shit! I'm an eye man when it comes to women (well I'm a lot of things when it comes to women, but eyes in particular) and nothing sets off an eye like a good "hairdo", so that's why I'm an unashamedly fan of this blog. There's sometimes a few pics of ladies in there showing off more than their eyebrows, but it's just the eyes I care for.



"Darran"
http://darran.tumblr.com/


Not sure why Darran's old Blogger blog isn't in the link list already, I was sure I put it in there. Never mind though, this Cork man's tumblr account has some of the finest geek funnies you'll find out there. I'm particularly fond of his finds regarding time travel and hyperdimensions, even if I do constantly find errors in their reasoning.



"Extra Last"
http://www.extralast.com/


Ah Extra Last. This place was hard to track down because they kept changing the name and URL without telling people but this place contains everything I love about the internet. Ultra Hi-Res promo images of women holding new pieces of technology in humorously ironic poses. Not to mention men in suits looking unbearably uncomfortable to be included in the photograph. This is the thinking mans 4chan.



"CLU_"
http://-clu-.tumblr.com/


A random tumblr I came across. Strangely addictive with it's offering of random images of technology, video stills and 1980's iconography.





"Bits & Pieces"
http://bitsandpieces.us/
http://www.naughtybits.us/


I've gone through many "Humor Sites" on the net but I'm quite fond of this one. There's a great sense of local community about it. It come's in two versions, naughty and nice. Naughty can be very naughty at times.





"Randomosity"
http://annoying-randomosity.blogspot.com/


I came across the owner of this blog via Derren Brown's blog. A Dublin based woman and proud Atheist, who's not afraid to express all personal emotions through the medium of poetry. She's also offered to buy me a pint the next time I'm in Dublin...



"Conor's Little Dangly Bits"
http://conoroneill.net/


Conor is a man (oddly enough), a man famous on the Irish interwebs for his Louder Voice rating thing. He is often complaining about his broadband connection and shows off pictures of his backup net connection, which consists of 3G dongle sellotaped to a tree branch out in his back a garden. His "dangly" blog provides a good mix of everything, leaning on the technological side of things.



"Branedy"
http://www.branedy.net/


An American living in Ireland, although I'm not quite sure where exactly. It used to be Cork but could be Dublin now. He works in the line of techno and likes to blog in terms of techno too. Also likes to come up with ideas and inventions revolving around IT hardware and web 2.0. The curious thing about this individual is that I've met and spoken to him in the past but he won't remember me... and that's the way I like it ;-)



"Abagond"
http://abagond.wordpress.com/


An American man who writes about the injustives he see's regarding black peoples in American. Some quite interesting and thought provoking topics that all should read, but I do feel he's got an air of a persecution complex about him at times, and I wonder how hypocritical it really is to keep referring to "the white folk" all the time.



"Guy White"
http://guywhite.wordpress.com/


To complement Abagond above, this time we have more of the "race rights" thing but this time from a white rights perspective. Again some interesting and legitimate points to read but ultimately falls into the "The Zionists are all out to get me" point of view.



"Random rants and musings on life and everything."
http://musinandconfusin.blogspot.com/


Stephie is one of those "lovely girls" you hear about. She hopes to have her hand taken in marriage by a dominant manly man one day who will bring home the bacon while she cleans the house and cooks the meals, while looking after their 12 children in between. She thinks that all Irish women have their place in life, and that's under the rule of Britain. :) I think I may be shot for that description. No, this is a blog belonging to a strong feminist, pro choice, republican, socialist and trade union lover. Why she read's my blog I'll never know.



"It's All Random... Mostly"
http://itsallrandommostly.blogspot.com/


So first off the bat for this round of Brillo awards is The Shape's blog "It's All Random... Mostly". Mr. Shape man made himself known to me suddenly one day telling me I was his god, because up until then he was godless. Things were going great and he was about to be awarded a Brillo award when he tore the head off me over a comment I made regarding English newspapers. The healing after that was hampered when he told me one of my finest pieces of music was shit, and that I was an idiot for trying to get Fianna Fail out of government. It's all water under the bridge now though (although I still suspect him of involvement in a recent mentally deranged Islamic attack on my blog). So there you go Mr. Shape man, wear your Brillo Badge with pride.



"Stephen Spillane"
http://stephenspillane.com/


Mr. Stephen Spillane owns this blog. A gay man. Now usually I'd frown on describing someone by their sexuality but like myself, he's a gay rights campaigner. Hmmm am I campaigner? That might be a bit of stretch: I don't go on marches or anything but I do protest against bigotry. He's also a technophile apparently. Anyway, an absolute gentleman who has only ever anything good to say about a person even if he can't stand them! He's always promoting posts I write about things, even the dodgey ones :). Most importantly though, he loves the Eurovision,  not quite as much as I do, but is a fan nonetheless ;-)



And that's all for now. So many more links to come in the future, and more sites to evaluate for Brillo awarding, so don't worry if you think I'm treating you like worthless scum now. All in good time....

Sometimes The Stereotypes Are True



This is Edarem, a well loved 78 year old Youtube star. Edarem isn't making videos anymore though as he is currently in jail for violating probation. It was ruled that owning and operating a computer connected to the internet violated the probation that he was serving for acts of child molestation back in the 1980's. This should be on "Ripleys, Believe it or not."

Encyclopedia Dramatica has the low down: "Sometime in early May 2009, Edarem uploaded one last video before disappearing from YouTube for a month and a half. Due to his numerical age falling somewhere over 95, many speculated that he had finally keeled over and his dogs had consumed the corpse."

This is part of his Florida State predator flyer.


Fans have said he's been re-incarcerated for posting harmless videos to youtube. That may or may not be so, I'm more interested in the fact that when he first appeared on youtube people said he looked like a kiddie fiddler, and it turns out, he was!

Michel Petrucciani - "Caravan"



Juan Tizol's "Caravan" standard is an old favorite of mine, but Michel Petrucciani totally shreds it here. I first saw Petrucciani perform over 10 years ago on a Channel 4 special about disabled people, hosted by Nick Knight (fashion photographer). The name and references to this jazz pianist soon faded from my recolection, but the memory of the performance lingered on and I rediscovered this Jazz virtuoso some time last year. An amazing player in his own right, irrespective of his physical hamperings. His rhythmical ostinatos are outstanding.

Petrucciani left us in 1999 but I suggest to any jazz fan they should check out this mans past work, they will not be disappointed.

Old Spice Man Videos: Accidental Animation



No idea what this "Old Spice Man" thing is about. I went to Youtube to find out but failed after becoming mesmerised while scrolling through the video preview thumbnails and saw how all the different frames began to animate. The video above is a short demonstration of what I mean. Utterly pointless, but there are a few interesting sequences in it.

I Love Riding In My Car



It's all innocent until the John Waters lookalike appears, then the video takes on all kinds of connetations. Remember children, never accept lifts from strangers, especially if they offer to let you blow their horn.

"Front door, back door, clickity clack... Take you riding in the car!"

I'm crying tears of joy writing this...

Ryan Tubridy: The 2FM Return



I'm getting this one in early for when Ryan moves to the 2FM slot later in the year. I'll comment more about the move then but at the moment I must ponder: if he's taking over the roll from the late Gerry Ryan, and his own first name is Ryan, does that mean that they will resurrect "The Ryan Line"? Whether they do or not, the format of the show must resemble that of Gerry's show i.e. be heavily reliant on calls from listeners. The topics needn't live up to the venereal heights that Gerry lauded, but I'm not sure I could stomach an extra hour every morning of what Tubridy is currently serving up on Radio1. The topics are always a bit too twee and "while Rome burned..." for me.

Holland' For The Win!



I'm backing Holland' in this evenings World Cup final. Not that I'm a big fan of football mind you, but the big occasions get me interested. The Dutch team and I go way back, 20 years in fact. I must blog about that sometime as it's quite intriguing why I started following them. I can't be sure but I believe it has to do with the Commodore Amiga, Clive Barker's NightBreed and Ruud Gullit... and in that order too.

So in honour of the Netherlands, I've slapped together this goofy little gif animation of Marco Van Basten. Ah Van Basten, other players hated your leg so much, they kept standing on it till it nearly fell off. Go to my soup.io page for a higher-res version.

Neil Hannon Watches Over My Computer Processes



... and looks after my torrents! You can get the wallpaper for your own desktop below. It's actually over 6 years old but I was delving through the archives over the weekend.

Cheating Discovered In The Eurovision Song Contest



Ruslana, Eurovison winner for the Ukraine in 2004. How could we forget it! It was one of the most god awful songs that ever won the Eurovision. It was the song that rooted the term "Eastern Block Voting" firmly in the minds of Western entrants forever. It was the song that people "joked" it only won because the singer was wearing practically  nothing! Oh but hang on a second; how much of a joke was it exactly? Evidence has made it's way to me this morning...



Yes I've mocked up the picture, but that's only to spare your blushes. What lies behind the Predators alien oral flanges is indeed, flange most human! Click here to view the full "douze points". As you can see, the outfit is identical to the outfit worn on the night of the 2004 Eurovision Song Contest so there can be no doubt of this pictures vintage.

I have studied the pixels very closely (and in slow motion) in the video above but I can't tell if she was bearing all on the night of the competition. I may need a faster computer to aid in its discovery. Continuing on regardless... defining how going "Commando" (<--- second Schwarzenegger reference) during a Eurovision performance constitute cheating is something I'm still working on. I am sure of finding the answer one day though. Come what may, we can still all rest assured that our hunches about the 2004 contest were correct: there was something fishy about it after all.*

[image via Naughty Bits]

* I spent 10 minutes deciding if I should include that line or not. It's done now so...

[UPDATE] The plot thickens!


[image via http://bibiapepa.blog.cz]

A Spot of Tennis: Wimbledon 2008



This is a 500 x 321 crop of the original 2344 x 2344 flickr image. Click here to view the original context of the shot. The internet would be a boring place without high resolution imagery :)

David Davin Power: Cider Warrior


[Images taken from gif animation by Allan Cavanagh]
As DDP was reporting on the latest travails of John O’Donoghue during a questions and answers segment with news anchor Eileen Dunne, along came the young fan and raised his can of Bulmers to the nation.

“How’zt goin’?” the young fella said to a slightly bemused looking DDP.

But the oracle was not for flapping - “There you go”, he said to the young fella as he wandered off into the sunset with his arms laden with cans of booze.

“Just carry on there Eileen, sorry about that slight interruption,” he said as he continued with his report.
[Text via irishpoliticalpopcorn.blogspot.com]

All I can say is: at least the guy is buying Irish.

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