Lip Pump: Make Your Face Look Like A Dog's Arse



"Get the look of two FABULOUS, blood-swollen leeches crawling across your face for just pennies a day!"

"Do you long for your normal lips to look like a giant, glistening swollen anus? There's this new bicycle-pump type device that will scarily inflate your lips in just two minutes, while your terrified child watches on in horror!"

[source] [via] [purchase]

shit songs with pretentious titles


So many shit songs with pretentious titles... but then again, so many shit songs with pretentious messages :)

shit songs with pretentious titles by Gammagoblin

This was just an eight bar "drilling" exercise I did one day recently. I felt my "Airfix Twins" skills were under developed so I lashed into re-sequencing a Dr Rex loop in Reason. The actual 8 bars of music composed are only heard at the end, repeated twice where everything is in tutti. It sorta evolves from the beginning up to that point so it starts off sounding a bit gangly.

The title is something I recently thought would make a good album title. I often come up with a clever name for a song but have no song to put it with, and vice versa, when I struggle to put a name to tune.

I had to post the song if just for the artwork alone [I nearly called the song "shit songs with pretentious art work" :-P] It came out way more sinister than I had envisioned. Discussing how I created it will be saved for another post. It involves an interesting little 3D app I came across.


More music of mine found at Piano Roll

Music Progression: Flåklypa Theme- Reodors Ballade



The main theme from the 1975 Norwegian film "Flåklypa Grand Prix" (above) gave rise to "Not for the Dough" (below) when it was sampled by Norwegian hip-hop duo "Multicyde" in 1999...

Multicyde - Not For The Dough (1999)


The success of this then brought the tune to the attention to Blue's record producers where they altered the melody slightly and released the track as "All Rise" in 2001. It is arguablly the most famous incarnation of the theme.

Blue - All Rise (2001)


With Blue making it big with "All Rise", the formula was reworked by Chinese duo "Phoenix Legend" in 2005. I say formula, but that could be argued as being understatement.

Phoenix Legend - Above the moon (2005)


Finally, my investigation into all this was sparked off from listening to Israel's 2009 Eurovison Entry: "There Must Be Another Way". Parts of the melody seemed to ungulate in a similar fashion to Blue's "All Rise". While it really isn't that similar, not similar enough to warrant such investigation anyway, I still had to dig around initially to find the name of the song (All Rise) that was wrecking my head at the time. There you go.

Girls Are Like Apples On Trees


Click for clarity...

I challenge your shitty chauvinistic analogy.

[original]

Rozanna Purcell - Miss Universe: Ireland



There I was, having a good auld chuckle at this year's Polish entry for the Miss Universe competition, wondering what bits of Borat I could splice into it for the extra lulz, when I decided to check out the Irish entrant. Jesus Christ! O_O It's like Jedward's bastard sister from hell. And you thought the (lovely shtuff!) Rose of Tralee was bad. This doesn't even fall into the category of "so bad it's good", it's just mortifying! And she was the favorite? Eventually ending up 7th!??!?! Just goes to show how shit the competition is. The eventual winner was Miss Mexico, I think.

[Rozanna Purcell : wiki]

Winners Use Hax



"Winners Don't Use Drugs" was a slogan used on many arcade games, and arcade game-to-console conversions, between the years 1989 to 2000[wiki]. The first time I saw the (original) image above was with the game "Sly Spy: Secret Agent" on the Commodore Amiga. A game player is often describe as using "hax" (or hacks) when they are displaying unparalleled skillful play in a game. Below is an example of haxxing in a  modern game "Battlefield: Bad Company 2" [via Donncha].



And here's a second bonus "They use hacks" badge I made, which is a bit more legible.

Base64: Encoding Binary Data In HTML Text

Embedded Image

If all has gone well, you should be seeing a stylised painting of a "Mayan princess" [arbitrary image] above. I can't say for certain what will happen across different platforms and RSS feed readers but it should show up fine if you are visiting the actual blog post using a browser developed before the 1960's. So what's the big hullabaloo about? Well you see, the image above isn't hosted on an external website, it's actually encoded in base64 and embedded within the html for this very blog post, which is then rendered by your browser on-the-fly. Pretty neat huh?

I'm sure you may have seen this phenominon before. On your travels across the "information superhighway" you may have clicked on a link to an image expected to see a picture of Captain Janeway's "wormhole" or Johnny Depp's "willy wonka" but instead were greeted by a big long page filled with garbled ASCII text. Well that was the base64 representation of the image. It would have looked something like the text below, which is the base64 text for the image above.

So what is this good for exactly? Well it's just interesting for one thing, but it's not just limited to image files. Any file can be encoded in base64 and if you can't think of the advantages in that then you needent worry your pretty little head about it :) Right, I'm off to leave scandalous pictures in comment sections of unsecured blogs.

[ Encode your own files with GreyWyvern's online base64 Encoder ]

  [Related: Encoding Video In An Image File]

Splice (2009)



... neither was I. Some lauded this as a tribute to David Cronenberg. Well if smearing a shit around the film wheels of a projector can be called a tribute, then this is one right here. The only redeeming feature of this film (and it's for notoriety rather than noteworthiness) was it's ability to slip bestiality and incest-rape under the radar of a 15A rating (minimum age for admission is 15, but younger children may be admitted if accompanied by an adult). A dollop of "suppression of the male" was thrown in for good measure too.

All that said, I actually think the film was far too conservative. They presented a watered down version of what could have been. With the film being as poor as it was, throwing in some off the wall moments would have given it a few bonus points. Not one of the characters is likeable, but I'll give the benefit of the doubt and say that it was by design rather than accident.

The best I can end with: Watch it expecting shit, and it might entertain you for ninety minutes.

[Splice (2009)  : imdb]

Mail Online: Captain Picard & The Temple Of The Jedi



Oh dear. The "Trekkies" will be up in arms. They are sure to lynch that Daily Mail reporter... what's the reporters name anyway? "DAILY MAIL REPORTER"? Really, well that's handy, there can't be too many of them in the phone book.

I particularly love how they keep walking further into the shit, blissfully unaware that they are committing all kinds of Sci-Fi faux-pas'. "As Trekkies well know, Princess Leia,..." No! They even use a quote at the end of the piece that outlines the difference: "'He [Curry's Father]] was more into Star Trek though..." Arrrggghhh!

This is a fine example of article-filler. Throw up a few pictures of some half dressed skank and write shite about it. This is what the Daily Mail is all about. Phony statistics and drug scare mongering. Sex Perverts living in your attic and your gran was Hitlers other mistress...

I didn't even know who Adrianne Curry was (If you asked me before, I would have said: "Who? Ex- UK Politician, Edwina Currie?") but I do have a picture of Darth Vader choking the shit out of her. Where's Spock when you need him...


Is it just me or does she look a bit like Deanna Troi here? o_O

Spider Abdomen Depicts Mesoamerican Symbology



I came across the image above on Ristorante Mystica today. While the spider might look a little bit peculiar it is in fact an example of the Cyclocosmia or "Trap-Door" spider. It uses that unusual shell-like back to block burrows it makes for itself.



What struck me about the imagery though was the actual pattern on the spider's abdomen. It reminded me of Mesoamerican depictions of the Sun God. Sure enough, after a little bit of searching I found a suitable image of Tlatlauhaqui, the Zapotec Sun god. I edited the image slightly (colouring etc.) to allow for a clearer match up between the two.

A little bit of something; make of it what you will.

Madness In The Fast Lane - BBC1


Oddly prophetic...

I watched this on BBC1 on Tuesday night, Tweeting as I went. A pair of Swedish women, twins no less, run around the M6 motorway as if completely insane. Police officers thought they were under the influence of some chemical substance [and they weren't of course, not even alcohol showed up in blood tests]. After both being knocked down by on coming traffic one went to hospital and one was arrested. The one arrested, Sabina Eriksson, was later released after satisfying the police that she was no longer a threat to herself or anyone else. The following day, she stabbed a man to death and went on the run with a hammer, beating her head with it as she went.

What stuck out in my mind though was when we learned that the killer was living in Cork but got a flight over Britain to meet her sister who lived in the US. It was odd because I once dated a crazy Swedish woman in Cork, never as crazy as this though.

I was eager to hunt out a copy of the prgram online because of some great sound bites from psychologists that I felt I could sample and use [probably never] in some future audio/video production. They include the delectable French stylings of "une bouffée de folie", (a puff of madness) and "Folie à deux" (madness shared by two). But perhaps the best is left to us in English: "Infected by the psychotic illness of another."

A fascinating account of bizarre events, it's well worth a watch. The program in on Youtube in 4 parts, the first part is below.

The Last Airbender



Or...

Ryanair have banned homosexuals from flying their planes. They only have one current homosexual pilot remaining. He is The Last Airbender.

Investigating An Alternative Solution To Video Hosting

I'm testing out something (I say "testing" as I feel it will be an ongoing experiment). The video below is hosted on a www.dropbox.com account I created. Both the player and the FLV streaming video are located there. I have no idea what kind of loads DropBox will be able (or willing) to take so it may turn not be such a viable idea after all. Currently the video streaming is a bit hit and miss. We shall have to see.

I'm using DropBox now but if I were to use this long term, I would probably switch to hosting videos on Google Sites. The reasons for doing something like this away from mainstream sites like www.youtube.com should be obvious, and if not, please watch the humerous video below. It's very Youtube "unfriendly"; being both copyrighted and venereally graphic. But don't let that put you off, it's Chris Morris at his finest: "The Gush!"


"Like a sad-voice freaky clown..."


If you wish to try something similar here are the rough steps you'll need to complete.
  1. Set up a DropBox or Google Sites account.
  2. Go to longtailvideo.com and download the JW Player for Flash.
  3. You'll find some swf files and a JavaScript file in the download. Upload those to your chosen hosting provider.
  4. Here's the interesting part: Use youtube to convert the video for you and download the resultant FLV file. If that doesn't work (Youtube auto detects copyrighted music for instance, and deletes the audio track before you can download the video), try one of the many AVI to FLV solutions out on the internet.
  5. Upload that to your hosting provider also.
  6. Go back to the Long Tail Video site, and navigate to their JW Player wizard.
  7. Follow the instructions and you'll end up with the nesscery embed HTML code.
  8. Before you can use this code, you must change it slightly. Find the 'player.swf' parameter amidst the tags and change it to the URL of the player.swf you uploaded earlier.
  9. You can now embed the video on a website or blog.
If this works out I may use it for sharing videos from time to time in the future. Personally, it's less about distributing copyrighted material and more about generating original content that may violate other terms and conditions of Youtube's service (at the moment I can't think of any. I won't be getting my cock out, if that's what you're thinking ;-). Of course, such content may also violate the terms and conditions of Blogger, but we can only take it one step at a time...

The Pedophile Pope Song



By Karl Brown, of Automatic Pilot. That well known homo-erotic jazz band of the 1980's. Glad to see he's still going anyway. A catchy little number, and I'm definitely getting a Moondog vibe from it.

In the writers own words: "This is a song about Pope Julius III who reigned from 1550 to 1555. Historians have written that he was a pedophile."

Banning The Burqa



To some this may surprise and to others, no surprise at all: I'm not in favor of banning the Burqa or any other form of clothing from public areas. Note I said clothing, and not "Religious Uniforms". To suggest that the notion of banning a veil is in some sort of way enacting powers of the "Fashion Police" is a complete misnomer. Nor is this is not some romantic notion of liberating French women, this is about religion. This is about Islam. This is about stopping a religious trend from taking over communities, society and even an entire nation. I just wish the people making the laws had the balls to admit to this.

So why don't I support any laws banning... I'll stop you right there. Me and "banning" don't go very well together. While I might not like the title, I am quite the liberal when it comes to laws. I like to adopt the view of Penn Jillette: I would rather die from a gun shot fired from a legally held firearm than live in a country that banned their ownership. I like liberty, but I also like riot police; but that's for another day.

Why do we always try to resolve a situation by issuing laws that ban? Banning drugs, banning firearms, banning art, banning freedom of expression... These laws have never worked out to benefit society as they were planned to*. We should instead be looking towards becoming a more liberal world. That's why I think France would be better off legalising nudity on their streets than banning a certain type of clothing. Think about it. What would counter a Muslim's stance on modesty more than to be greeted by a pair of breasts on the street. And what would Muhammad think of seeing a swinging penis as he bought a cup of coffee. "More dick with your coffee sir?" It's exactly the same technique that homosexuals adopt to combat the outrageous homophobia of the Westboro Baptist Church. Don't remove liberties; increase them!

The argument is this: the niqab must be banned because it is known that many women are forced into wearing it and this is a civil rights issue. Bullshit! You can be damn well sure that any woman "forced" to wear a burqa or niqab is having a shit load of other troubles thrown at her away from the public eye. Are you tackling those as well by the ban? No, it's purely to suit the "out of sight, out of mind" mentality. A quick fix to keep your perception of "Western" society alive. And what about Islamic women who want to wear the veil? You can argue all day whether this is really their own choice (some attach it's significance to that of like a woman who defends their abusive partner) but it is their choice nonetheless, and a strong choice for many women. And what about non-Islamic veils? What are the laws concerning them? Will France ban hoodies next, then what, scarves? Define a Burqa and define a Niqab anyway. The only way to prove a face veil is an Islamic head piece is to bring the person's religion into it, and bingo, that's when the shit will hit the fan. Point proved: this is a law about religion. And while I'm at it, what about makeup? Isn't that a "veil" many feel women under duress by social norms to wear every day? We all have have masks we wear.

Transitions can be hard. Living through a cultural one is particularly uncomfortable. Yes, Islam becoming a dominant factor within a country is something to be worried about (we have fought hard to secularise the state and religion over the years) but does it's appearance mean the automatic erosion of a countries "long standing" traditions? Be it that way or not, tradition is something that we can afford to loose or alter: liberty is not. Whether our liberty is threatened directly by an emerging Islamic majority or by archaic laws determined to counteract the effects of Islam, we must not surrender our freedoms. Nothing pleases a government more than an excuse to gain more "control" over it's peoples. Another ill conceived ban undermines us all.

The irony of all this is very simple: You know who loves banning stuff too? The fucking Taliban, that's who! If you want to ban something, have the balls to ban Islam outright, and tackle the resultant Jihad face on.

As a side note, Muslims must love the internet. Sure, there's a shit load of porn and stuff but look at how business is done. A woman can order a big pile of crap from online stores and never even have to show her finger nails to the person [conglomerate] she's buying from. And what about terrorism. The internet has been proven to speed up terrorism communication by at least 421% Yep, all in all I'm pretty sure the internet is a good place to be if you're a Muslim. Don't forget websites dedicated to tips on growing beards as well.

*Governments like to promise a lot when they ban something, these promises rarely relate to anything other than appeasing the masses to garner votes for themselves. Often a ban will have no relevance to the underlying issue. This is the premise of the entire post.

[original Niqab image] [Westboro Baptist Church image] [other images]
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