A Chemical Reaction When The Fabric Gains Traction

Dear Mrs. Bedford,

It is with great regret that I must write to you today. Our records show that you have recently purchased an item of underclothing made by "Busty & Lusty Ltd." which is now part of a global recall made by said company. While I have no intention to alarm you, I must request that you should return the item to us with the utmost urgency. In fact, before reading any further, you should carefully place the item outside, some distance from any buildings, trees, pets, children etc. If you are currently wearing the item, I must insist that you follow these instructions and disrobe immediately.

The Busty & Lusty Ltd. company have given us some details regarding the strange nature of this recall. It appears that by some complete freak coincidence, the chemicals used in the synthetic mix of fabrics can react "explosively", when exposed to heat and moisture. They say that the chances of this happening are "one in a million" and the explosive reaction is not likely to cause serious injuries when the pant-garment is being worn in most "normal situations", but it is still an issue that must be dealt with.

I must again insist that you follow these instructions immediately, even if you are wearing the product currently. Take the item of clothing, and place it inside a sealable plastic bag (sealable, to keep the moisture out). Place the bag inside a brown envelope and address it to me directly, as address below. Postage will be taken care off courtesy of our company.

Hector Prummeltoft
PO BOX 1251
Dublin 11

I will give the issue my utmost attention and use my special equipment to dispose of the item carefully and effectively, as instructed by Lusty & Busty Ltd (sic). I will forward a complete refund upon receipt of item.

I am aware that this is an unusual situation to find yourself in and may indeed be frightening but I say again that the dangers, while quite real and present, have a low probability of happening so you should not worry, but it is still extremely important that you return the item to me asap. 

Hoping to acquire your undergarments soon!


Yours Regardsly,
Hector Prummeltoft - MD, ClothesTech Industries Ireland.



Mr. Prummeltoft, one week later...
[image via]